I have cancer

At 33 years old, I am an Ironman and a 5 time marathon finisher. I will also be a survivor of breast cancer. As I was training for the 2012 Lake Placid Ironman, I was diagnosed with stage 2 infiltrative ductal carcinoma. This has stopped my training for the 2012 Ironman and made 2013 a possiblility. I want to tell my story because I am trying to find people much like me out there and am realizing there aren't many. I thought this may be a good place to express myself and show that there are good days and there are bad days but ultimately, I will be alright.

Here is the beginning of my story.
February 1, 2012: I had a routine GYN appointment where my doctor found a small mass but thought that it was probably a cyst. He recommended that I go to get a mammogram and an ultrasound to just check it out since my mother and maternal grandmother both had breast cancer and my mother is BRACA 2 positive.

February 8, 2012: I went for my first mammogram ever. It was followed by an ultrasound where I realized that something was wrong. The ultrasound technition was spending a lot of time taking pictures and making notes on a generallized area and then she left saying that someone would be right back in to discuss the results. As another nurse came in, she told me that there was a defined, solid mass that they had decided to biopsy immediately. They allowed me to call my husband and go to the bathroom but then they started the biopsy immediately. I had a core needle biopsy which wasn't painful but the experience was emotionally challenging and absolutely frightening. After the biopsy they placed two titanium tags in the two masses they found to show that they had noticed these before and had tested them. I then had the ability to joke that they were literally making me an Ironman (I know as a science teacher that iron and titanium are different but it's still funny). I left the biopsy and did research on the rates of cancer found and felt pretty positive that I didn't have cancer as many sites, including the American Cancer Society website, claimed that there was a 4 out of 5 change that it wasn't cancer. I had actually negotiated with the doctor who did the biopsy on when I could start running, biking, and swimming again so that I could get back to training.

February 13:
I received a phone call from my gyn doctor telling me I had stage 2 infiltrative ductal carcinoma and my entire world starting spiraling out of control. I was at work surrounded by my friend Heather and Jeanne who were holding it together really well while I was falling apart. I was told I would have to see a breast surgeon on February 15 to discuss surgical options. I felt that my Ironman training was brought to a screaching halt. How do you tell your husband you have cancer? I didn't know what he would say. My husband was extremely calm and knew that no matter what I would be ok. My way of dealing with this stress was to go to a spinning class. I hated every minute of the class because I wanted to scream and yell and throw things but I took it out on the bike. I then had to tell my sister and my parents because I needed medical history information. This was extremely difficult.

February 15:
My appointment with my breast surgeon was at 8 am. He told me that I had two masses, the cancerous one is 1 cm and the other one is non cancerous but 4 cm large. He went over all of my options and answered all of my questions. He gave me a lot of information but also said he thought one of my lymph nodes may have been a little inflamed but since I was extremely bruised and swollen from the biopsy, it may have been from that. I left thinking it was worse than I thought but Joe left feeling completely informed and confident in the fact that I would be perfectly fine. I was given a packet of information which was supposed to help me with this diagnosis but all it did was make me more angry. I went through the entire pack with my friends and just asked why would they need to tell me over and over again that I have cancer. I was extremely angry at the entire situation. I knew that Ironman was out of the question. I also kept thinking that I have eaten well, exercised a lot, and lived a healthy lifestyle so how could this happen to a 33 year old Ironman. I went to work and did my job and then called Stacy frantically asking if she would go for a run with me. This settled me down enough to proceed into the next day for the 2 oncologist appointments that were set up.

February 16:
How did I go from training for an Ironman to being a cancer patient in one week? Going to an oncologist made me an actual cancer patient. First up was the medical oncologist. This doctor answered every possible question and made me feel extremely confortable with my decisions. I realize that I need to live with this decision for the next 50 years of my life and I need it to be the correct one. This oncologist also said that if the MRI that was scheduled for Friday and the FISH (HER2neu) test came back negative, then there was a very possible chance that all I would need is surgery and hormone treatment (Tamoxifen) which was a perfect world solution to having cancer. The radiologist was amazing too and answered all unanswered questions. We left 5 hrs of appointments knowing that I needed to have a bilateral mastectomy since, with my family history, there is a good chance I would have to deal with this again in the future if I didn't. I also knew that I was not going to opt for reconstruction at this point. Wow, that is a big decision. Why did I opt for this? Because I am an athlete that wants to keep pursuing my long distance athletics without having to dedicate myself to the next two years of surgery after surgery. This is the decision people don't know how to deal with. I had all of our friends and family hoping that FISH was coming back negative and my lymph nodes would be clear. By having a mastectomy, I was also decreasing my chances of having radiation as well unless the lymph nodes are involved. This was a positive day!

February 17:
MRI - no one could hurt me here so it was a relaxing situation and I was on vacation after this appointment and headed to a vacation in Florida which was now meaning more than it did before. Everyday, I went for a run on the beach and a walk on the beach with my husband which help ease away all stress that was present.

February 27:
After a fabulous vacation where I was on a beach where nothing bad could happen to me, I had a really bad day on Sunday. I realized that when important appointments were coming up, I get extremely nervous and emotionally break down. I am an extremely strong woman with very little crying on a normal basis but this situation makes me feel like a cry baby. I again went for a run and Jen and I discussed how although I am a strong woman, there are days that won't be great and I don't have to be a strong woman all of the time. The big appointment of this day was with the surgeon where we were finding out the FISH test and MRI results and booking surgery. The first piece of information was extremely disappointing - FISH was positive. This means 1 year of Herceptin - a chemotherapy drug. I will be having surgery on March 15 and will be having a port put into place to make chemo a little easier. This was difficult to hear. I went home and got on my trainer and did a hill workout.

So, here comes the journey. I will be great but my life will change. Hearing Mike Riley say "You are an Ironman" is all I am hearing in the back of my mind. On a positive side, I will be losing about 10 lbs due to this surgery so I will be able to buy and fit into cute new running and biking clothes. If the stat is true, I should be 2 min per mile per lb lost faster in running. I would also be able to attack those Lake Placid hills more aggressively without the extra weight on me. I have decided that cancer has one year of my life and that is all. I will move forward stronger than ever and will fight for my goals and dreams for the rest of my very long life.