1/3 of the way done with Chemo

I refuse to not look at the glass as full. My life is extremely full of great people, experiences, and a bright future. Thus, we will look at chemo as being 1/3 of the way done (sounds better than 2 out of 6 complete). If we were doing an Ironman triathlon, I JUST have a 112 mile bike with some hills, and a 26.2 mile run ahead of me! I have compartmentalized my life like this twice before, now is no different. I'm not going to lie about chemo. It sucks. I haven't felt fabulous since Monday, June 4th but I know that over the next few days life will slowly get better as "This too shall pass!" My stomach and intestines are not thrilled with me. I'm tired. I'm a little puffy from the steroids. I am super sensitive to the heat and sun. My mind wanders a little more now than it did before. I am more than excited to not have hives everywhere again and this time around I did not get migraines! I will say that I was hopeful that I would have consistent reactions each time and I would find a rhythm. I feel completely different this time around than I did the first time around. This scares me as I wanted to be able to plan for the future chemo treatment weeks. I do think acupuncture or Reiki or both have combined to allow for less nausea this time around so I will keep trying those. I did have an interesting day yesterday. My husband, Grace, a couple of friends, and a few former students ran the Lake Placid Half Marathon. This was a race that we originally thought I would be able to run when I was first diagnosed and we didn't think I would need chemo. I watched the race. I have been trying to put my competitive drive on hold for the past few weeks and just enjoy the bike ride or recently, enjoy the run. This hasn't been working for me. I want to push myself. I struggle with how slow I am or how far I can go without fatiguing. I know I should leave my gps at home and just enjoy the time I am "working out" but I have mileage and time limitations so I need some feedback. Yesterday I realized this want and need to be in the race is not going away and I'm embracing it! I figure I have 4 more treatments left which means I have about 15 weeks of not feeling great/not being able to train (wow that seems like a long time). Then from mid-September I should be able to start training again and competing again once I am ready. This means that I am hopeful to be running and being a part of a 5K (maybe 10K) in the fall! Watch out Hangover Half - I may be there too! I miss the wonderful feeling of being in the race so very much. I miss feeling alive while doing it! Watching yesterday made me realize how much I love the camaraderie of running - knowing that you are all suffering and loving it together! I did overdo it a little yesterday and I learned what not to do on Ironman day as a cancer patient spectator. The heat, the sun, the short run, and the early morning definitely was extremely exhausting to me. I will have to be smarter on Ironman day so that I can support all of my favorite people during the race! This weekend also made me realize that I have met a lot of people since my surgery, chemo, and diagnosis. I really wish that they had met me prior to this. I feel very different now than I did prior to cancer. I was an athlete - slow but determined. I was fun - I could have beer back then! I would have been right with you torturing myself on my bike, during the swim, and the run. I know I will be me again soon but I just don't feel like people who are meeting me now are really getting the strong, independent, determined woman that I am. No one, especially not cancer, can take away the fact that I am an Ironman away from me and with that title comes a lot of intense personality traits. Most of these people know my husband as my number 1 fan and supporter but also my caretaker which would never have happened before. I know that I will change based on cancer but I loved who I was before and I am confident that I will be that person again soon. I look forward to training alongside of you and having a post race/workout beverage with you again soon. I am very excited to have you all along with me for my journey as this Ironman will be better than ever again soon.