Feeling good

This week I feel great. Well, not normal great, but great considering I am going through chemotherapy. I am tired most afternoons with a mandatory nap but I know that I am capable to doing so much this week and I do as much as possible. I wonder if I make myself more tired this week because I want to cram in as much as possible in order to make up for the lack of doing much the other two weeks. What this means to me is that yesterday I went for a 30 minute run which was 2.25 miles. It was hot out and I ran up my first hill which made me slower than my normal chemo slow. I am now in the 13 min per mile range but at least I'm out there doing something. Today I went out for a bike ride where I could meet up with Joe to help him with his last training run for Ironman by giving him Gatorade while he was out running. It ended up being a hot and windy day which didn't help me on the hills. I did parts of the Ironman course and felt immediately drained on the hills with the headwind. Funny thing about this headwind was that I had it on the way out, then a tailwind for 2 miles, and then it was back to being a headwind again - how can that happen. Although it was challenging for me, I finished 17.27 miles (by far my farthest ride since March) in 1 hr 30ish minutes with several stops to drink water, look at the osprey, and just catch my breath. I told my surgeon that my goal of the summer was to finish a 30 mile bike ride. I don't actually see that happening but I am getting closer to that 20 mile mark so you never know. I then proceeded to go for a SWIM!!!! I loved bobbing in Mirror Lake today! I only did about 50 meters but it felt good. I also can't put my head underwater (doctors orders) so I could only do the crawl with my head up - maybe this will help me with sighting when I return to triathlons and open water swims. I am tight from my incisions and my port but I loved feeling the stretch and the resistance of the water. It was glorious. A couple of random things to comment about: 1. I went to visit friends this week to give them some money we owed for a Team Loco jersey Joe will be wearing for Ironman and we got to meet their father who is a beginner triathlete. We talked about Ironman and his upcoming sprint triathlon and said goodbye so they could go back to work. I was later told that he asked if I had shaved my head to be more aerodynamic after we had left!!! I LOVE this. I didn't give off the "I'm a cancer patient!" vibe, just "I'm a crazy triathlete!" vibe. He made my day! 2. I was at a bike shop in Lake Placid today when a little boy commented "That girl is BALD!" His grandmother quickly scolded him about staring and saying comments. I told her it wasn't a big deal because I understand that kids don't understand and I'm not offended. I am wearing a bald head proudly so I expect stares and comments. She later approached me in the store to "teach him a life lesson" and asked me to tell him why I was bald. I did and I told them how I had completed Ironman in 2009 and 2010 and will do another soon because I will be cured. Suddenly the grandmother was hugging me, the little boys mom was crying, and the little boy was watching wondering what the heck was going on. The mom did comment that she is new to triathlons and hopes to do an Ironman someday. I told her maybe I'd see her in 2014! 3. I've decided to take up birding. I know it sounds crazy but after watching the movie "The Big Year", I decided it was going to be my new hobby. Osprey was a nice addition to my list of birds I have seen - Mallard, crow, raven, great blue herron,... I do have a list. I now wish I could id bird songs. I downloaded an app on my phone to help me out! 3. Ironman is coming! Ironman is coming! My favorite day of the year is almost upon us. I am super excited. I'm like a kid on Christmas morning when it comes to Ironman. I can't wait. I love watching the cars with beautiful bikes on them go by the house. I love watching the beautiful athletes in town. I am excited about the banquet. I am excited to volunteer (I'm stuffing bags so when you get your bags at registration, know that I touched them and wished you all luck while doing my job). I am excited to be at the race. I'm excited to see all of my triathlete friends and Iron-spectators. I'm excited to stand in line with those who are signing up for next years race (no, I am not signing up but Joe will be at the finishers banquet so I will go hang out). I'm also excited to go shopping for some new Ironman gear since I can't fit into much of what I currently own! I'm really excited to actually see my husband cross the finish line and become an Ironman again! This is a moment I will remember forever! I have chemo next week. I want next week to be great so I will think positive thoughts about my next chemo treatment. I'm visualizing a positive week while all of the Lake Placid Ironman athletes are visualizing a great race. I will be visualizing a great race soon enough but for now, I'll take a good week next week. Enjoy the beautiful week!

Round 3 retrospective

June 26 and 27th were my last chemo treatments. We found out that I am not allergic to any of the medications they are currently giving me but for some reason I am allergic to the extra anti-nausea drug they were giving me. So we tried a acupressure device to help with nausea. I can honestly say that this round was the most difficult though. By Thursday, I was exhausted (two naps a day exhausted), my nausea levels were manageable but present, and I just generally felt beat up. I was told this would happen but I really was hoping it wouldn't happen to me. This time around this feeling of tiredness and generally not feeling great has stayed with me a little longer than the first two round. I am tired. I look tired. I realized that I need to, as my friend Bethany phrased it, "Say uncle" every once in a while and just say I've had enough for today. This just pisses me off. I want to do what I would normally do in my life and am being forced to acknowledge that I am not who I normally am. As one of my chemo books has told me over and over again, I have to remember that "this too will pass." The heat is also taking its toll. My last herceptin treatment was accompanied by a bag of saline to help me to hydrate as I just don't feel like I can keep up sometimes. You can tell I didn't feel well because for three out of the 5 days from the 26th on, I only biked twice and didn't even try to run. I was just too beat up. Needless to say, I'm not exactly looking forward to the next round but know I will be that much closer to being done once it is over. I was able to go to the Tupper Lake Tinman and see my husband and friends compete. It was a training day for me on how to deal with the heat, early morning, and spectating for Ironman day. We instituted several new rules for the day which seemed to help out. I was able to go to the Boilermaker this past weekend where I was able to volunteer. This weekend was a blast. I loved spending time with friends and my husband. Volunteering was a great time. But my lasting impression of the weekend (and this is something I have been noticing week after week) was that I am so impressed and excited about how wonderful many of my friends and family members have been with me. They make me feel like ME while they are around me. They do not react to my bald head, lack of boobs, and scars at all. They make me feel so comfortable that sometimes I look in the mirror and am shocked by what I see - a bald, pale person with bags under my eyes who resembles a slightly larger version of myself, not the vision of myself that I see in my mind. I laugh at myself every time I am startled by my own image. I've even noticed that I am almost forgetting that I am a person who is going through cancer treatments for a couple of hours each day. This is a great thing. I thank all of you for helping me feel that way! The only people who are struggling with my hair loss are the youngest people I come in contact with. My nephew Cooper (5) knows I got my hair cut but that is all he understands. My niece Sierra (6) has vocalized that she doesn't like me without hair. She doesn't understand cancer, she understands that her family is worried about Kelly, she has been told Kelly is sick, and Kelly has a big sign that something is wrong - she lost all her hair. She told me that "I don't like you without hair. I think you should glue your wig to your head." I have let her know over and over that Kelly will be ok and she wants to believe me but she is unsure of what is going on. She was there for me to go for my first swim (without putting my head underwater) where her sister, Kaelah (8) cheered because she knew this was a big step forward so she got excited for me in that moment. We also let her see the most recent head shaving although she likes my "itty bitty hairs" that form randomly on my head. I also tried to explain what happened to my hair to a little boy (about 3) today so he wasn't afraid of me. He pointed to his own hair and said "It fell out?" Kids are so tough when it comes to this. I don't know how people with children handle this part of cancer. Here are some pictures I wanted to share from the past few weeks! One is from Boilermaker and the other is from Lila's graduation. Great times in my really fantastic life!