I have cancer

At 33 years old, I am an Ironman and a 5 time marathon finisher. I will also be a survivor of breast cancer. As I was training for the 2012 Lake Placid Ironman, I was diagnosed with stage 2 infiltrative ductal carcinoma. This has stopped my training for the 2012 Ironman and made 2013 a possiblility. I want to tell my story because I am trying to find people much like me out there and am realizing there aren't many. I thought this may be a good place to express myself and show that there are good days and there are bad days but ultimately, I will be alright.

Here is the beginning of my story.
February 1, 2012: I had a routine GYN appointment where my doctor found a small mass but thought that it was probably a cyst. He recommended that I go to get a mammogram and an ultrasound to just check it out since my mother and maternal grandmother both had breast cancer and my mother is BRACA 2 positive.

February 8, 2012: I went for my first mammogram ever. It was followed by an ultrasound where I realized that something was wrong. The ultrasound technition was spending a lot of time taking pictures and making notes on a generallized area and then she left saying that someone would be right back in to discuss the results. As another nurse came in, she told me that there was a defined, solid mass that they had decided to biopsy immediately. They allowed me to call my husband and go to the bathroom but then they started the biopsy immediately. I had a core needle biopsy which wasn't painful but the experience was emotionally challenging and absolutely frightening. After the biopsy they placed two titanium tags in the two masses they found to show that they had noticed these before and had tested them. I then had the ability to joke that they were literally making me an Ironman (I know as a science teacher that iron and titanium are different but it's still funny). I left the biopsy and did research on the rates of cancer found and felt pretty positive that I didn't have cancer as many sites, including the American Cancer Society website, claimed that there was a 4 out of 5 change that it wasn't cancer. I had actually negotiated with the doctor who did the biopsy on when I could start running, biking, and swimming again so that I could get back to training.

February 13:
I received a phone call from my gyn doctor telling me I had stage 2 infiltrative ductal carcinoma and my entire world starting spiraling out of control. I was at work surrounded by my friend Heather and Jeanne who were holding it together really well while I was falling apart. I was told I would have to see a breast surgeon on February 15 to discuss surgical options. I felt that my Ironman training was brought to a screaching halt. How do you tell your husband you have cancer? I didn't know what he would say. My husband was extremely calm and knew that no matter what I would be ok. My way of dealing with this stress was to go to a spinning class. I hated every minute of the class because I wanted to scream and yell and throw things but I took it out on the bike. I then had to tell my sister and my parents because I needed medical history information. This was extremely difficult.

February 15:
My appointment with my breast surgeon was at 8 am. He told me that I had two masses, the cancerous one is 1 cm and the other one is non cancerous but 4 cm large. He went over all of my options and answered all of my questions. He gave me a lot of information but also said he thought one of my lymph nodes may have been a little inflamed but since I was extremely bruised and swollen from the biopsy, it may have been from that. I left thinking it was worse than I thought but Joe left feeling completely informed and confident in the fact that I would be perfectly fine. I was given a packet of information which was supposed to help me with this diagnosis but all it did was make me more angry. I went through the entire pack with my friends and just asked why would they need to tell me over and over again that I have cancer. I was extremely angry at the entire situation. I knew that Ironman was out of the question. I also kept thinking that I have eaten well, exercised a lot, and lived a healthy lifestyle so how could this happen to a 33 year old Ironman. I went to work and did my job and then called Stacy frantically asking if she would go for a run with me. This settled me down enough to proceed into the next day for the 2 oncologist appointments that were set up.

February 16:
How did I go from training for an Ironman to being a cancer patient in one week? Going to an oncologist made me an actual cancer patient. First up was the medical oncologist. This doctor answered every possible question and made me feel extremely confortable with my decisions. I realize that I need to live with this decision for the next 50 years of my life and I need it to be the correct one. This oncologist also said that if the MRI that was scheduled for Friday and the FISH (HER2neu) test came back negative, then there was a very possible chance that all I would need is surgery and hormone treatment (Tamoxifen) which was a perfect world solution to having cancer. The radiologist was amazing too and answered all unanswered questions. We left 5 hrs of appointments knowing that I needed to have a bilateral mastectomy since, with my family history, there is a good chance I would have to deal with this again in the future if I didn't. I also knew that I was not going to opt for reconstruction at this point. Wow, that is a big decision. Why did I opt for this? Because I am an athlete that wants to keep pursuing my long distance athletics without having to dedicate myself to the next two years of surgery after surgery. This is the decision people don't know how to deal with. I had all of our friends and family hoping that FISH was coming back negative and my lymph nodes would be clear. By having a mastectomy, I was also decreasing my chances of having radiation as well unless the lymph nodes are involved. This was a positive day!

February 17:
MRI - no one could hurt me here so it was a relaxing situation and I was on vacation after this appointment and headed to a vacation in Florida which was now meaning more than it did before. Everyday, I went for a run on the beach and a walk on the beach with my husband which help ease away all stress that was present.

February 27:
After a fabulous vacation where I was on a beach where nothing bad could happen to me, I had a really bad day on Sunday. I realized that when important appointments were coming up, I get extremely nervous and emotionally break down. I am an extremely strong woman with very little crying on a normal basis but this situation makes me feel like a cry baby. I again went for a run and Jen and I discussed how although I am a strong woman, there are days that won't be great and I don't have to be a strong woman all of the time. The big appointment of this day was with the surgeon where we were finding out the FISH test and MRI results and booking surgery. The first piece of information was extremely disappointing - FISH was positive. This means 1 year of Herceptin - a chemotherapy drug. I will be having surgery on March 15 and will be having a port put into place to make chemo a little easier. This was difficult to hear. I went home and got on my trainer and did a hill workout.

So, here comes the journey. I will be great but my life will change. Hearing Mike Riley say "You are an Ironman" is all I am hearing in the back of my mind. On a positive side, I will be losing about 10 lbs due to this surgery so I will be able to buy and fit into cute new running and biking clothes. If the stat is true, I should be 2 min per mile per lb lost faster in running. I would also be able to attack those Lake Placid hills more aggressively without the extra weight on me. I have decided that cancer has one year of my life and that is all. I will move forward stronger than ever and will fight for my goals and dreams for the rest of my very long life.

Year end totals and recap with Goals for next year

Here I sit on New Years Eve reflecting on the incredible year that I have had:
My lovely husband and I were able to take a year off from Ironman training and focus on running, traveling (me more than Joe), and enjoying life. I have had the pleasure of traveling to Jamaica, Boston (three times), Burlington (twice), Utica (not sure that counts as traveling), Nashville, and spending tons of time in Lake Placid! I have a wonderful life and wonderful family and friends. All of these fabulous people have shown how much they mean to us through not only fun times (volunteering and signing up for Ironman together, getting to know a friend while she was mentally preparing for her first Ironman, running together, weddings, dinners, and enjoying time at random breweries), but also through difficult times where we have lost two family members and through flood cleanup. I have watched communities devestated by flooding (Keene, Lake Placid, and Keene Valley mainly although there were many more effected) and the amazing outpouring of volunteer time from people who do not know us well or live in the area at all. Seeing the labor for our neighbor group and the Lowes groups come into Keene Valley and help out our fellow community members that they have never met was heart warming. Although I never want to live through that again, my faith in humans was restored from watching friends, community members, and people we have never met coming to help out in our time of need and check in on us. I know how much fun Joe and I have on a daily basis which makes me extremely happy in life. I have enjoyed learning how much I enjoy gardening, producing my own vegetables, and then cooking wonderful food. I have also learned how much I LOVE training for Ironman! This year felt a little off without Ironman training!

This year brought the fastest run year I have had ever (PRs in the 5K, 10K, and half marathon). I have run more miles this year than any other year of my running career and, with the help of my slightly faster running partners and a new race mantra of "Someone will be at the finish line and take care of me if I pass out so push harder", I have become faster. The only down point was the completion of my 5th marathon which came after a night with 2 hrs of sleep, a skunk spraying our house, a dog loose in my backyard, and an 84 degree day in October - by no means a failure of a day but a disappointment to finish so much slower than my goal time. This year also brought a running streak (motivated by Runners World and my husband) to run at least 1 mile every day from Thanksgiving to New Years. I have been very diligent with this and have found that I really enjoyed it so I will be continuing until we leave for vacation in February but maybe longer (but not past July 22 as July 23 will be a rest day).

For the year ahead, we are planning a lot of fun things aside from training for our 3rd Ironman. We have decided on traveling to Siesta Key, Florida, for our February break so that we can have the ability to run and swim on vacation since we are training for an Ironman. We will also be traveling to Virginia Beach for the Yuengling 1/2 marathon in March where we will meet friends and enjoy St. Patricks Day. There is also a possiblity of traveling to Arizona in November to sign-up for Ironman Arizona 2013! I would love to continue with my hot yoga classes this year as well as do Zumba once in a while to help change things up. I want to become a more efficient swimming through drills and seeing if I can meet up with a swim coach. I need to become a more efficient biker which I am working on with drills and more time on the trainer during the winter and a friend who happens to be an excellent biker and a bike fit specialist! I have spent this year finding a new bike saddle, being refit on the bike, and adapting the bike to make me more efficient to accelerate my bike fitness and efficiency all in hopes that it will help with my training! I also want to keep up my running speed. I believe this will mean more running mileage but I think I can do this! I would also like to try to make sure that I get back to my vegetarian times (I know some of you are freaking out now). I want to have a more plant based diet again with less meat in it - I'm not going vegetarian again, just less meat. I also know now that there are very reliable vendors at the year round farmers market that can help me get good quality meat when I want it. I want to complete my 3rd Ironman in under 16 hrs (meaning a 9min 59 sec improvement from last time). I want to finish the Ironman with no judgement of myself and my training. I want to cross that finish line with a smile on my face and excited that I have managed to do all that I have in the years that I have been trying. I am looking forward to having my nieces and nephews back at the finish line of the Ironman so they can know that anything is possible. I am looking forward to making my mom, dad, and husband proud of my accomplishment again as well. I am expecting a lot from this year and myself. I am excited for all of the possiblities ahead.

I wish all of you a very happy and healthy new year. See you at the pool, biking, or running as that is where I will be most of the time!

December totals (pre-Ironman training with a running streak)
Total miles: 207.83 mi
Swim: 2.11 miles in 1 hr 34 min total (a pace of 44:23 per mile)
Bike: 124 miles (all on the trainer)8 hrs 45 min (a pace of 14.2 mph)
Run: 81.72 miles in 14 hrs 29 min (a pace of 10:35 mph)
Other exercise (yoga and zumba) 3hrs 15 min

Year end totals:
261 workouts total (missing a few in July, August, and September because I didn't have access to daily internet and then forgot to write them down)
Swim: 8.36 miles (sad) time 5 hr 55 min (pace 42:30)
Bike: 1074.83 miles time 77 hrs 18 min (pace 13.9 mph)
Run: 707.46 miles (most ever) time 128 hrs 20 min (pace 10:54 per mile)
Other: (elliptial, zumba, etc) 17.82 miles time 19 hrs 53 min
Total miles: 1808.47 miles in a time of 231 hrs and 26 min (almost 10 days of working out) with about a total calorie burn of 117083.2!!!

Stockadeathon and Turkey Trot 2011

Stockadeathon
The Schenectady Stockadeathon is one of my favorite races of the season but last year it fell on the same day of the NYC Marathon so we missed a year. This year it was a month after the marathon. My only goal was to have fun today. The start is only 10 min from my house which means we got to sleep in and then head over. My goal was under a 1:40 for the 15K. I set out on the run with Stacey and we were doing well. I felt great so I kept getting faster. I realized after the big State St hill that I could push it in and finish under my goal time. 1:38 was my finishing time and it felt good to try to go faster! It was a perfect day for a great run!

Troy Turkey Trot
My family celebrates Thanksgiving by running before endulging. Of course, Joe and I have taken this a little further and decide to forgo the chaos of the 5K and run the 10K to get in a little more running and thus more calorie burn. I love going to races and seeing my former athletes who are still running or former students who are out with their families doing the same thing we are doing! We saw so many people we knew at the race and it just added to the spirit of the day. It was a little chilly on this morning - it was so chilly, I couldn't feel my toes for the first 2 miles of the race. As we set off, I didn't really have a goal as I have been suffering from a slight case of shin splints. I was so cold that I couldn't feel my legs the first mile which I ran in a 10:09 which isn't a bad time for me! I just decided to see what I could do at this point though. I figured I was going to cover the 6.2 miles so I may as well push hard and get some more calorie burn out of this run! This course is now a 2 loop course (yuck) with one longish hill which we do twice (double yuck). This year the hill didn't feel horrible. This made the decision to go fast a little easier. I rounded the first 5K loop in just under 30 min and was super excited for my prospect of doing really well. I set off at a pace that I hadn't done in a long time for the second lap. I realized at mile 4.5 that I may have been trying a little too hard and may not last at this pace but it is worth a try. I went into the last mile realizing I could hit a 57 min 10 K which would be wonderful for me. In the end, the pace was a little too fast for me to maintain and I finished in a respectable 58:19 which is a PR for me by just over a minute. I was able to spend the rest of the day eating and visiting with my family so this was an incredible start to a wonderful day!

This was also the beginning of a Runners World blog idea and an idea that my husband is taking part in - a streak of running at least 1 mile every day between Thanksgiving and New Years. I have been on board so far although I am hesitant to committ because I don't want to fail at something so easy. I guess I am technically in though as I haven't missed a day yet and have planned it into my schedule for the next week! I know I will feel good about myself if I do this especially since my goal is to do the Hangover Half on New Years Day. Plus, I am a runner so why wouldn't I take on this relatively easy challenge. If this warm weather continues, I will be able to run all of those 1 mile or more runs outside too which is really exciting!

Mohawk Hudson Marathon

After watching the Boston Marathon and having a beer in Boston with a friend, Joe and I suddenly decided that it was important to do a marathon this year. Joe's goal was to qualify under the new standards for the Boston Marathon and mine was to PR. This seemed possible as I had been PRing all year and felt like my training was going well and I was getting faster. Joe had found a training plan that he thought would be perfect for his new goal. We signed up for the Mohawk Hudson Marathon and were excited about the challenge ahead. We picked this race knowing that we would be sleeping in our own bed the night before the race and could control our food intake the days before, plus no jet lag to deal with - this should be a great experience. Then comes this summer when I had really bad training runs and struggled through the heat and the amount of running miles that the plan had called for. But all this had changed in the four weeks preceeding the marathon. I completed my first 20 mile training run ever! Not only did I complete it but I rocked it time wise (3hrs 34 min). I had made a few changed in my weekday runs too which was reaping great benefits to my mental status and my body felt better. I went into taper thinking this marathon was going to be great! If Mother Nature was to grant us a perfect day, I had the potential to have a perfect day!

The day before the race was more chaotic than we had planned it to be but we recovered quickly and even took a nap. We went to bed at 9:30 with a great night planned of sleep ahead of us. At 12:45 am I saw lights around the block and heard a woman screaming outside. I then heard something in the backyard. I realized that the woman was yelling for her dog. This dog was in my backyard. I tried to yell to the woman that her dog was in my backyard but she was yelling at her significant other at this point. Then the smell hit. The dog had chased a skunk into the backyard. The skunk sprayed the dog right under the kitchen and bedroom windows. The entire house smelled of skunk. The dog finally left our yard about an hr later. The woman found the dog but because it smelled, let the dog sit outside the rest of the night and cry from 2 am until we left for the race in the morning.

Race Day:

Temps were starting at 55 degrees but were scheduled to get up to 80 degrees by the end of the day. I kept thinking I would be fine if I just hydrated appropriately. My more pressing concern was that I hadn't slept all night and smelled like skunk. We also knew that after the race, we would have to go home and figure out how to deal with the smell, not just sit down and rest. The race started and I felt great. I ran my first mile slower than I had planned but knew that that was just my style of running so I wasn't worried. At around mile 11 I realized it was getting warm out and I was running a little faster than I had planned. I figured I would just slow back down to the pace I wanted but I was struggling to find that pace (I had been struggling to find it during training too though). I had Grace meeting me at different points in the race to give me oranges and motivate me so I wasn't concerned about my condition yet as I knew I would have a constant source of nutrition at regular intervals along the way, I was making sure I was taking water and gatorade at every aid station about every 2 miles. I felt confident that I would be able to keep it together. Then at mile 14 my body felt like an oven was turned on and I started having cramping issues. I ran my first half in the time I wanted to but realized I was having trouble keeping my target pace. I figured I could take in more gatorade in the next two aid stations and then I would feel better. Not the case, I got to mile 18 and was still moving well and then fell apart. Mile 19 was horrible, mile 20 was even more horrible - thank goodness Grace came to find me and ran with me and my sister and my nieces were cheering for me because I wanted to just sit down and stop moving at this point. I wanted a coke for the caffeine and sugar and I wanted to take off my shoes. My feet had started swelling so much I couldn't feel my toes any longer and my feet HURT! I walked about half of mile 21 then started running again until my calves and my feet hurt so much I had to start to walk again. I found a fence to put my foot up on so I could untie and tie my shoes again (my figers were also swollen so that was difficult) but I felt immediate relief. I started running again 5 min on, 2 min off for about 1 mile then decided I just needed to run so that I could be done. I just needed to be done. I knew that Brenda was going to be waiting for me around mile 25 so I just had to get to there by myself and I would be able to think about something else for a mile and get to the end. Brenda met me at mile 24ish which was phenomenal. I had been running when I got to her and then she helped me to pick up the pace a little bit and got me to the finish line. Without her help, the last 2 miles would have been brutal. I finished in 5 hrs 7 min - 17 min longer than I had planned but I finished. The day had gotten to 84 degrees - way too hot for an October day in the Northeast. It was brutal. I think I did well for the weather conditions.

Recovery has been difficult. My foot hurts from the run and I am less than motivated. I have several black toenails from my foot swelling so much. I know that I need to start training for the Ironman in about a month so I feel like I can slack a little for 1 month and hope I heal completely before subjecting myself to the torture of Ironman training. I am exhausted from the effort but I am already excited about my next marathon in the future.

Joe's day was great! He finished in 3:03. Ryan finished in 2:58! KP, Courtney, and Tucker finished their first marathon ever! Brenda finished her 2nd half marathon 9 months to the day of the birth of her daughter. Scott finished his 1st half marathon ever! Ultimately, we all had a good day!

Summer and Ironman

Summer is beautiful! My garden is out of control with the plants and produce it is giving forth! My running is mixed with many bad days and then every 4 weeks a good one but I have had a nice amount of biking but little swimming. I had a fantastic run last week 15.5 miles in Lake Placid on a day that was overcast and about 65 degrees out. It was a perfect long run day and I needed that boost as my last few long runs have beat me up from the heat. As long as the heat stays abaited for the marathon, it looks like I could have a great day. I will face it, in the Adirondacks, we are on a downward swing and the temps will be great for running in the next few weeks with highs only around 75ish. I will take it.

Going back a few weeks, we volunteered for Ironman and then signed up the next day. It is always a fabulous experience but this year was different. The organizers for the event seem to think that we just want to volunteer and get our spot the next day without doing much work (or at least the volunteer organizer that we worked for thought that). I was excited to see the athletes especially our friends who have trained so hard for the race and just helping out for the event that we love so much. In the process of volunteering I was yelled at for holding the cups of "Perform" incorrectly and my friend was yelled at for putting too many ice cubes into cups "The athletes can only have 2 ice cubes". Our response to the ice cube thing was "Those athletes paid a lot of money to do this race, let them have enough ice cubes to cool them down." We were also told that if we didn't fulfill our 5 hr commitment to her standards, she would call and tell them we couldn't have a volunteer spot on registration day. (We were told while waiting in line that other volunteer spots were asked to do their job and when it was done, they could go watch the race.) It was disappointing to be treated this way as I have watched this race since its inception in Lake Placid and volunteered for 3 yrs before doing my first race and I love to volunteer at the race. It made me angry that she didn't think we truely wanted to be here helping out and treating us very inappropiriately. On the bright side of the day though, my nieces (Kaelah and Sierra) both came with my parents later in the afternoon and all volunteered at the aid station and loved every minute of it. I was excited that Kaelah got to enjoy volunteering and the joys of giving back at an age where she slightly understood what this means (she is 7). The athletes were amazing to them and were so excited to be given the all important ice from the girls!

The girls are so excited to see us do the race next year too because of this experience. Our friends did amazingly! It was an emotional day watching this time, and knowing exactly how it felt to cross that finish line and wanting that feeling again. I forgot about that feeling until I watched again and realized I crave it - it is like a drug that you just need to experience once a year. In all of the excitement of the day, there were five of us who signed up for next year, it will be all of our come back to Ironman and I am excited about the training to be had with all of them!

Kaelah did get something else this year from watching Ironman. She was walking with me a couple weeks ago and said:
Kaelah: "Kelly, when can I tryout for Ironman?".
Kelly: "There is no tryouts for Ironman you just sign up."
She thought for a minute: "So, I can do it next year."
Kelly: "You have to be a little older to do an Ironman."
Kaelah: "So when I'm 9?"
Kelly: "Older"
Kaelah: "12??"
Kelly: "No, when you are 18"
Kaelah, after thinking for about a minute: "That's a long time. I want to tryout to do it next year."
So, maybe I have another Ironman on my hands some day! I can't wait for that day! In the meantime, maybe we will try to get her to do IronKids next year as I think that she will be happy with anything that says Iron on it!!!