Round 3 retrospective

June 26 and 27th were my last chemo treatments. We found out that I am not allergic to any of the medications they are currently giving me but for some reason I am allergic to the extra anti-nausea drug they were giving me. So we tried a acupressure device to help with nausea. I can honestly say that this round was the most difficult though. By Thursday, I was exhausted (two naps a day exhausted), my nausea levels were manageable but present, and I just generally felt beat up. I was told this would happen but I really was hoping it wouldn't happen to me. This time around this feeling of tiredness and generally not feeling great has stayed with me a little longer than the first two round. I am tired. I look tired. I realized that I need to, as my friend Bethany phrased it, "Say uncle" every once in a while and just say I've had enough for today. This just pisses me off. I want to do what I would normally do in my life and am being forced to acknowledge that I am not who I normally am. As one of my chemo books has told me over and over again, I have to remember that "this too will pass." The heat is also taking its toll. My last herceptin treatment was accompanied by a bag of saline to help me to hydrate as I just don't feel like I can keep up sometimes. You can tell I didn't feel well because for three out of the 5 days from the 26th on, I only biked twice and didn't even try to run. I was just too beat up. Needless to say, I'm not exactly looking forward to the next round but know I will be that much closer to being done once it is over. I was able to go to the Tupper Lake Tinman and see my husband and friends compete. It was a training day for me on how to deal with the heat, early morning, and spectating for Ironman day. We instituted several new rules for the day which seemed to help out. I was able to go to the Boilermaker this past weekend where I was able to volunteer. This weekend was a blast. I loved spending time with friends and my husband. Volunteering was a great time. But my lasting impression of the weekend (and this is something I have been noticing week after week) was that I am so impressed and excited about how wonderful many of my friends and family members have been with me. They make me feel like ME while they are around me. They do not react to my bald head, lack of boobs, and scars at all. They make me feel so comfortable that sometimes I look in the mirror and am shocked by what I see - a bald, pale person with bags under my eyes who resembles a slightly larger version of myself, not the vision of myself that I see in my mind. I laugh at myself every time I am startled by my own image. I've even noticed that I am almost forgetting that I am a person who is going through cancer treatments for a couple of hours each day. This is a great thing. I thank all of you for helping me feel that way! The only people who are struggling with my hair loss are the youngest people I come in contact with. My nephew Cooper (5) knows I got my hair cut but that is all he understands. My niece Sierra (6) has vocalized that she doesn't like me without hair. She doesn't understand cancer, she understands that her family is worried about Kelly, she has been told Kelly is sick, and Kelly has a big sign that something is wrong - she lost all her hair. She told me that "I don't like you without hair. I think you should glue your wig to your head." I have let her know over and over that Kelly will be ok and she wants to believe me but she is unsure of what is going on. She was there for me to go for my first swim (without putting my head underwater) where her sister, Kaelah (8) cheered because she knew this was a big step forward so she got excited for me in that moment. We also let her see the most recent head shaving although she likes my "itty bitty hairs" that form randomly on my head. I also tried to explain what happened to my hair to a little boy (about 3) today so he wasn't afraid of me. He pointed to his own hair and said "It fell out?" Kids are so tough when it comes to this. I don't know how people with children handle this part of cancer. Here are some pictures I wanted to share from the past few weeks! One is from Boilermaker and the other is from Lila's graduation. Great times in my really fantastic life!