Set back #1

I knew before going into surgery that my body doesn't exactly recover well from illnesses or long runs/rides but I was optimistic that this surgical recovery would be great. I was even using my visualization techniques I use for marathons and triathlons to envision my healing and encourage my white blood cells and skin cells to do their jobs well. I was envisioning my cells going through mitosis and healing! After a weekend of increased pain (thought it was just me getting feeling back into certain areas) and seeing some not so nice areas on my incision site, I decided to go into my surgeons office. He looked at it and said that my body didn't react to the internal stitches well and was getting rid of them and my skin was pulling away which is what felt sore and tight. He also said that armpits are just hard places to heal because of wetness factors and movement. Plus, in some areas my body reacted poorly to the adhesive in the steri strips and was blistering thus giving me pain. (My dad asked what percentage of patients have these issues, am I just an anomaly?) This was also giving me the "raw" feeling. I asked why this happened as I have been not using my arms much at all. The response "There was nothing you did or could have done to prevent this. Your body just responded this way." Well, that sucks. My body is obviously broken, I'm becoming more and more aware of this. The solution was to re-suture the areas under my armpits. I had honestly gone into the appointment thinking they would give me antibiotic ointment or something and tell me to be careful using my arms but this was crazy to me. I didn't know it was that severe. Having never had stitches before in my life while I was awake and alert, I was really freaked out. I HATE needles! Ever since my life as a child with severe asthma when I was poked with a needle at least once a month if not more, I have had a fear of them. I handle them better now but stitches required multiple needles and was extremely scary to me. Yes, I am an Ironman and know what pain is when it is brought on by myself over the course of 140.6 miles of which I did train for. This is different. I told my doctor what a wimp I really am and then we moved forward. I'll spare you the yucky details but I cried a little because it was painful on the one side even with the numbing agent. The second side was much better because he gave me a lot of numbing agent because I am so jumpy and sensitive to the needles. I tried so hard to put my yoga breathing into good use (I've been reverting to this a lot lately to deal with needles and painful procedures) but even that helps me deal with only so much pain. Isn't it bad enough I have cancer, why do I have to go through painful procedures just to get rid of said cancer? The worst part of the day was realizing three things: 1. I can't start running next week - I'm looking at a full 2 month hiatus from running (this really sucks). My last run was March 14 and my next chance is probably May 3 or May 8. 2. I can't start my range of motion exercises this Thursday but was told he would give me controlled exercises next week. 3. Chemo is on hold until my body starts behaving and healing correctly. Although the stitches are sore, the pain and tightness is gone today so that is better. Hopefully this time around I will be able to heal correctly! I'm thinking positive thoughts!

Funny parts of the appointment while he was stitching me up:
1. He said "A little birdie told me you wanted to start running at 12:01 am on the day you have been given permission to run." Of course I was going running as soon as I was told I could! Who wouldn't! For the second time in two days I was told I was addicted to running and going through withdrawal.
2. I asked "So does this mean I can't start running next Thursday?" His response "Really, you need to ask that question?" My response, "Yes, because if you don't say yes or no, I will go home saying, well, he didn't explicitly say no so maybe if I just do a little it will be ok." He laughed and said "NO running yet!" He later came back to this and included no biking on the road bike or swimming either - I guess he realized he needed to cover his bases.
3. I then asked "So does this mean I can't start doing my range of motion exercises this Thursday which is 10 days after our last appointment?" His response: "Really, Kelly! NO!!!" He realized he needs to be explicit with me from now on with what he wants me to do.