Ironman Mont Tremblant 2016 - Ironman #4

Ironman training went really well. I can’t complain at all. I was calm, cool, collected and did what I was supposed to do throughout training. I knew that baring all mechanical issues, weather related stoppages, and full body breakdown that I was going to be an Ironman today and I would do it in about 15 hours – this is a first time that I truly knew this as I went into the race. I was going to be an Ironman today, no questions asked. It is racing that makes me an intolerable, anxiety ridden, crazy person. I was almost in tears several times over the course of the days leading up to the race. I even started race day telling Joe that although I love training and competing, the anxiety I have leading up to it is almost intolerable and I really don’t know if I can keep doing this to myself. I am usually like this all through training but hadn’t been since my coach told me multiple times to “shut up and train.” He’s a great coach but none of us have figured out how to get me over this anxiety yet. So, having not slept much and feeling like I was going to cry, we left our hotel room to do the normal pre-race activities. Nothing exciting here. Joe was my constant supporter – I really don’t know how he deals with me and prepares to race at the same time but time after time, he does it and he does it without question. I married a really good man. The way the waves were set up, he started 12 min before I did. He got into the lake to warm up before I did and almost immediately, U2’s Beautiful Day was played and I saw him stand up, turn directly around to where I was standing and look at me because that is the song that means IRONMAN to us – every year it was played at the start of Ironman Lake Placid until our first year doing the race 2009 (weird, right?). After his warmup, he came out, gave me a kiss and said have fun out there. I was in full breakdown mode at this point so I decided it was time to warm up. I got into the lake and started swimming back and forth, adjusting the swim cap and goggles. I watched Joe’s wave go off – wait did I say I was in full breakdown mode, oh, no, now I was – who knew I could escalate it and I can’t imagine what I looked like to other people. I kept telling myself to just “shut up and race” – this was my motto for the day but I just couldn’t stop it at this moment. I stood up and was just in need of someone I knew to just smile at me. And I looked up and there was Kristen Hislop. I vaguely know her – she coaches people I know and is friends with my friends, we have been introduced before – but in this moment, I needed her to be my friend. I went over to her and she saw the fear. She reassured me that I was ready, I did all the work necessary to get here, and I would be great. In my mind this equated to “suck it up buttercup” and off I went through the arch where they said “You are all going to be Ironmen today.” Cue crying again….. And this is how the swim started – me trying to stay calm and me failing horribly. Once I was in the water, like a light switch, I was fine. The swim started great. I had lots of open water. The first 3 bouys were easy to see and I swam perfectly at them – literally, I was skimming them with my left arm as I went around the inside of them. I was calm. I can literally shut my brain down and stop thinking when I race – it is amazing how I can do it once the rhythm of my swim starts and I just count strokes and sight. Then after buoy 3 the current started to change – no big deal, that is kind of how the 70.3 was too. The farther away from shore you get the more choppy the lake gets, I was mentally prepared for that. And then the waves. I mean WAVES. I swear I was being lifted into the air and then put back into the water. This made sighting and finding a straight line difficult. The kayakers were struggling to stay in a place. They were busy too – this swim was beating people up. I stayed calm though. I knew that I just needed to keep my form and find the next buoy – which seemed to be scattered around and not in a straight line. I would make a beeline to one then try to find the next and it was off to my right. I just kept doing that. I was getting nauseous from motion sickness because it was so rough. Ok, buoy #9. There were 13 buoys, then the turn buoy, then #14 then another turn. Then 13 back… That is a lot of buoys! Around buoy 5 on the way back to shore, I puked due to the motion sickness – there went my banana! Sorry to whoever was swimming behind me. But still calm, stroke, stroke, sight…..getting pummeled by waves. Still pretty open water – this was potentially the best swim from a participant standpoint that I have ever had in that I didn’t get beat up at all during the swim and mostly swam in open water. It was great! That being said, it was so rough wave wise that I went 1:33 – that was not even near the plan. That was 8 min slower than the plan. But I was alive and, from a discipline standpoint, 33% done with the race. AND it wasn’t raining yet…. The run from swim exit to transition is soooo long. It just kept going. Joe and I had a conversation on Saturday about making sure to be prepared out of transition since the weather forecast was really bad. So, I entered transition and found a spot to sit. I ate my honey stinger immediately. I went through my bag and decided I needed my jersey since it was not super warm and humid like they had predicted and we knew we were going to get wet from the “passing showers and thunderstorms”. Arm sleeves, nope – it isn’t that cold out. I don’t want to carry things I do not need. Rain coat, nah, that thing will get me warm when the storms pass and I don’t want to deal with that. Sunscreen – definitely – you don’t want to be stuck out there if it is sunny out…. ALL THE WRONG DECISIONS!!!! 12:53 I left transition disappointed that I was 8 min down from what I had planned already and I wasn’t even close to being done but I let it go and immediately found my comfort zone – I just kept reassessing my effort and saying you’re trying too hard, down shift. I was immediately happy to be on my bike (Ms. Jackson). We had a little conversation about how we were going to be Ironmen today and how excited I was to be taking her to reach that goal. (Yes, I talk to my bike.) I saw Kristen, my adopted spectator who told me I looked good. Then about 5K in, the rain started… It was not only raining but it was raining and it was a cold rain – not in the weather predictions – showers and thunderstorms with high humidity and mid-70s. How about some cold, driving rain. I actually craved climbing hills – at least if I was working on climbing, I was warmer. My feet were numb and my hands were blue. My goal now was to maintain body temperature. At this point I also was having intestinal issues which I promptly ignored since I was in maintain body temp mode and was worried about stopping and not moving and getting too cold. I saw Joe on the out and back and we made sure we knew that we were both ok so that lifted me up a little bit. 1st loop was status quo – me thinking are you riding within yourself, me answering yes. I ate and drank and took salt caps on schedule too – salt caps get pretty gross when exposed to the rain several times during a race. Also, when you can’t feel your fingers you almost dump half of your daily supply of salt caps on the ground when you go to get one. Oh, and did I mention it was raining and cold. Yup, the entire 1st loop. I was trying to convince myself that the clouds were getting lighter, then it would downpour again. The amount of times I told my brain to shut up when it was saying I was too cold was impressive. I finally stopped right before the turn around to go to the bathroom. Well, sometimes you just have do to things (my mantra of the day – thank you Scott Jurek and your book “Eat and Run”.) Ok, back to work. It was still raining. I was still having intestinal issues. I saw Joe on his way back to town and we made sure the other knew we were ok and then head back down and kept going. Then the aid stations ran out of the only food product I needed from them – bananas. Well, that sucks. It is Ironman day and it is all about dealing with what comes your way whether good or bad, so I just needed to handle it. It was now a crazy headwind and raining. But it could be worse at times because in the flats, there was a cross wind – that was just a blast!!! It couldn’t rain the entire 112 miles could it??? No, no it couldn’t. But could it??? I had a good 6 miles at the end of the bike course on the hardest hills on the bike course where it just sprinkled here and there but no downpours and no rain that felt like I was being attacked my needles so there was that. I was so excessively happy to get off the bike. Oh, and there was Kristen again – cheering for me! 7:51.21. Since my fastest Ironman bike before today was an 8:19, this was stellar. Transition: Again, take your time, get your feet a little dry and a little less gritty then get ready. 8:26. I was still having intestinal issues at this point so another porta potty stop had to happen as soon as I left transition. Then I started running. I was comfortable. VERY comfortable. I could run this pace for a while. And I did. I saw Joe within the first 20 min of my run and he and I were both all smiles so I knew he was crushing it and almost done and he knew exactly where I was now. The first loop I wasn’t eating a lot but I was keeping up with salt and drinking Pepsi and chicken broth when it was available – this was the plan, eat scratch when I could and get in all other calories through broth, Pepsi, oranges, and bananas. I had to stop again at an aid station about 3 miles from the turn around since my intestines were not happy still. I could hear the fluids sloshing in my stomach. I thought of Scott Jurek and his book again so I evaluated the issues – sloshing stomach… I had read about a strategy to fix that but I couldn’t think of what that strategy actually was so I decided more salt would fix it, ok, lets drink chicken broth and have a salt cap. Nothing else to do. So I had acknowledged the problem, tried to fix the problem, and moved forward. My knees hurt – ok, nothing is easy about Ironman or as my coach would tell me “You didn’t sign up for an easyman.” Problem acknowledged, nothing can be changed, thus keep running. I saw Joe waiting for me when I was about to turn around and he was happy and excited so I became even more happy and excited. He was even happier when I didn’t have any swear words to say to him about how I felt. I didn’t know how long I could hold this pace but I was trying. At this point I knew that I didn’t have my reach goal of 14:40 but I still had my realistic goal of going sub 15 hrs within reach and I wanted that more than anything. So I run by Joe again and head back out. Still running well until it became dark on the path and the lights came on. Then I got dizzy. Ok, evaluate the problem – I am dizzy. What could be causing the problem – too much caffeine, not enough fuel. Solution – do not drink Pepsi at the next station and eat more scratch chews and some pretzels. Done. More dizzy. Then I realized it wasn’t nutrition at all. It was the shadows moving from the people running and the way the bike path got darker in the woods and the light to dark , light to dark from the lights they had set up. It wasn’t something I could control at all so I decided I needed to move faster but I couldn’t tell how fast I was moving since I couldn’t see my watch. I wasn’t risking falling off the bike path to look. All I knew is that I needed off of this path fast! There was a man I passed who was commenting that he was feeling the same way and that made me feel much better about my situation. I really was happy though with how I wasn’t thinking – I was literally shutting my brain up and just running. Yes, everything hurt. Yes, I wanted to be done. I was starting to see the lights in the sky from the finish and I could barely hear Mike Reilly but I knew he was going to say my name soon. So I just kept running. With 5K left I had 40 min to make my goal. I was going under 15 hours and I knew it, so I just kept running. I had been running from one aid station to the next getting fuel and then running again but at this point I skipped a few because I was going under 15 hours. I got back to town and I just smiled! It was an amazing finish line. I had just hit a goal that I wanted so badly and I did it on a day that was riddled with bad weather and I did it. I heard my name from Joe even though I couldn’t see him with all of the lights. I was done! #4 was done. 14:54.11 with a 5:08.27 marathon to wrap up the day! I haven’t gone sub 5:11 in at least 8 years in a stand-alone marathon let alone during an Ironman. Just wow. Post race – after the race all I wanted to do was see Joe. I made a bee line to leave the finish tent. I found him and we were happy for each other and then I really needed to sit down. I literally left everything I had out there. My legs were throbbing. I was exhausted. Then there were 2 medics speaking French to me and I was like why do they think something is wrong – isn’t this how all Ironmen look when they finish. They were very reluctant to leave me but I assured them I was fine. They assured me that they were there if I decided I needed them – they were like vultures around transition waiting for us to go down. I finally got up, grabbed my transition bags and bike and went back to the room. Our goal was to have me eat real food within the hour of my finish. I took a shower. Then we went out and I actually ate! I was on the verge of the nauseous mess I usually become but once I started eating I was fine. That has been a huge step in my recovery already. Although Joe is disappointed that he doesn’t get his meal and mine when we sit down to eat, I have been able to eat for 2 days and that is a very big deal in post ironman recovery. I still feel horrible body wise – I have a toe that looks pretty like a children’s coloring book and chafing in places I would never have anticipated due to the road grit. But I am a 4 time Ironman and that is all I wanted! These are just small reminders of what I accomplished. It was a horrible, wonderful, amazing day!

Pre-Ironman thoughts and Thank you!

Tonight while watching the Olympics and thinking about my 4th Ironman, I decided to write my thoughts down before the race. This year is different than any other year I have done an Ironman. I am excited. I am ready. I am the smallest and strongest I have ever been before an Ironman. I don't feel mentally exhausted and worried like I have for the other 3 that I have done. I have chosen to let my coach think for me and just follow the plan. I honestly think it has made me a much better athlete. I haven't told many about my goals and I will still keep them to myself but I will tell you that I will be an Ironman again on Aug 21 and that makes me extremely happy. This year I feel like I have a lot of people to thank for my success. My coach who has absolute faith in my abilities and is one of the few people who I will allow to tell me to "shut up and train" when I talk about listening to my brain and thinking I can't do something or having doubts in my ability. He pushed me harder this year "without me realizing what was happening". FYI - I knew it was happening but I let you think for me and I just executed it! If Jamie told me I could do it, I did it even when I was convinced he was trying to kill me. I promise to stay within myself, follow my nutrition plan, and not think too much during the race. My teammates, the funny, dysfunctional group that we are, who supported and cheered me on every step of the way. Steve who made me feel badly when I was considering not doing a workout and thus made me decide it must be done! I really love that you did that for me! Ashlea, Kerrianne, and Wes who trained with me and made training fun whether it be in the lake, on Adirondack hills, or just running around in search of all of the Albany hills. Dave, Mary, Darci, Billy, Colleen, Loring, and Tim who encouraged me to come out for group rides when I was anxious about doing so. Those rides were their easy days and my hard days but yet they encouraged me and included me all the way. Our families who heard the words "we can't" or "we have a long ride/run that day" and just continued to support us - I know that we miss things and you still support us all the way to the finish. We appreciate you and you being supportive of our goals. Lonnie who became my sounding board and would understand what I was going through during training. Lonnie was amazing even after she was injured and couldn't do her own race. She continued to be one of my biggest cheerleaders. I appreciate this more than she will ever know. She helped keep me calm more often than she even knows. And, of course, my #1 fan, my husband, Joe. You are incredible. You have more faith in me than I have in myself most days. You give me tough love and tell me to get out the door and do my workout even when I don't want to. You love my dedication and support me all of the time. You allow me to be crazy and ridiculous all of the time and this makes me happy. I am so excited for what is to come and I can't wait for my 4th Ironman. I plan to enjoy all of the chaos and excitement that it will bring. I promise to give everything I have and make you all proud. Ironman may be an individual sport but it takes a village to get an individual to the start line and through the race. Thank you for all you have done to make this an incredible journey.

Ironman Mont Tremblant 70.3

The week before this race, I was pumped! I kept telling Joe "I'm ready now. Let's race now." I knew if I could hold a nutrition plan together somehow (I have had no success with nutrition during training lately), I would pull off something exciting for myself. I had faith in my abilities in all 3 disciplines and was excited to see what I could do. It was Ms. Jackson's (my bike) first race ever! The day before I felt like I was leaping out of my skin - I was so bored by the inability to be doing something since I was resting the legs after an easy 30 min ride. When race morning hit, I was ready to go. Unfortunately, transition opens at 6 and closed at 7:15 and my wave wasn't until 8:48. So there was a lot of just sitting around and casually eating breakfast - which on a normal day, I would be all over - but today, I wanted to go. Swim - The swim started and I knew this would be the coldest part of my day. The water temp was around 64. The air temp around us had already reached the low 70s by the start so it was going to be a hot one. I embraced the cool water. I found space almost immediately. I was on a perfect line. I was working hard but not outside of my ability level. There was a moment I thought I must have been way off course because no one was around me but I kept passing the bouys on the inside right next to them - one I actually hit with my arm. When I got toward the shore but still pretty far away from the beach, the water got super shallow. I kept swimming but some of the men from the waves behind me were standing up already. I kept sighting and didn't want to have to walk for longer than I had to in the water but finally I got a handful of dirt and decided it was time. I looked at my watch and got really excited 41:09! This is my best swim EVER! That excitement kept me going through the massively long transition run. When I entered transition, the first thing I did was eat a honey stinger waffle and take a salt cap - remember I was trying to have a perfect nutrition day! As I was shoving food in my face, I saw Joe running toward me. His goal was to get out of the water as I was getting out of the water - exactly 8 min faster than I had gone. I yelled "Joe Sullivan, I beat you." He just smiled and nodded. As I was leaving transition, he ran by me and said "I beat you out of transition though!" So obviously my transition times aren't as competitive as my husbands but I put on sunscreen and made sure I ate food so I was happy! The announcer said "And Team Loco is on the course!" I smiled and waved and the crowd got excited! Bike The bike started super fast. Due to the wave structure, I had a lot of 35 to 40 year old men overtaking me, in a very aggressive manner immediately. The first few miles are rolling hills and I wanted to get down a bottle of scratch in the first 45 min so that I could discard the bottle and get a new bottle of water. I wanted to carry as little weight as possible. I was so paranoid about other people passing me and not having their head up to see me and hitting me the entire way out to transition. There was also a moment when I thought - this course is harder than I remember. It kept getting hotter and hotter. At the turn around, I immediately noticed once thing - there was a headwind. How is that possible? I didn't get that much help from this large of a headwind on the way out. So, headwind - I had to mentally handle this one while going up a hill. I literally felt like this was the longest 28 - 36 miles I have ever ridden. Once I got to 36 though it started going faster - there were more people, we were headed toward town. The hills on the Duplessis were really hard - I may need a different rear cassette to get up those twice on Ironman day. Joe keeps telling me that I pushed hard on the bike before I got there so that is why they were harder. Yes, I did go a little outside of my comfort zone on the bike this time around but I wasn't all out. They are just hard. There was a crash on the other side of the road where they were still giving medical attention to the injured. People were coming down on the up side of the road to go around the crash - it was scary in so many ways. The people who were still there and being tended to looked afraid, lost, and confused. I could tell that this was a really bad crash based on the amount of sirens I heard going back and forth and the cars they had trying to get to these people on a 2 lane road while the race was still going on. I was looking for Joe and hoping he made it before this had happened. At this point medical attention was all over this road. It was hot. People were just laying in the bushes waiting for help or being attended to. I kept going - I just wanted off of this road now and off of my bike. To my surprise, I rode a 3:44.50! That is my fastest 56 mile bike split ever! I kept to my nutritional plan exactly and Ms. Jackson and I executed the plan well! T2 was quick - sunscreen, drink water, get shoes on, realize how hot it actually was out, and get out. Run The legs didn't exactly put up a huge fight until about 1k into the race when I had to get up a hill. My stride was too short while running so I walked it - it was more efficient. I was disappointed that this would potentially be my strategy - I wanted to run the whole thing - but my legs said different things at that moment. So the run was very repetitive in my mind - run to the aid station, walk the aid station taking in water, salt every 5K, coke, pouring water over my head, and putting ice down my tri top. Basically remain cool for another few min. There were a ton of aid stations. All they wanted was to make sure we finished. They were cheering "Bravo Kelly!" Just keep moving. I found a new friend Wendy out there and ran with her for a while - this was helpful as we were chatting a little and it distracted me. Then I met Sarah from Montreal - it was her first 70.3 and she had a few questions as we were running. This run hurt. At the end, I was on the verge of puking but I pushed forward. I remembered my coach telling me "You signed up for an Ironman not an Easyman." It was hot. If there wasn't that wind that I hated on the bike on the run course, then this would have been intolerable. I had been promised a margarita and guacamole after I was done with this race and I kept on going for the guacamole! I had anticipated on a good day averaging 31 to 31:30 for each 5K but with the heat I was maintaining 32:25ish. I was happy that I maintained that the entire way. I did walk the big hills and the aid stations but I was on a mission. They changed the course from 2014 and had us go all the way up the village on the cobblestones - that was evil. The run down to the finish from the top was pretty amazing though. "Allez! Allez! Bravo Kelly! Allons-y! Let's go!" I saw Joe just before the finish and he knew I had met my goal of being under 7 hours. There was a woman next to him who was screaming for me in French and I knew she asked something along the lines of "that's good?" and then she started cheering even louder! 2:19.05 - not my best here. I ran a 2:17.16 in 2014 but it wasn't as hot as it was this year. I finished in 6:55.56! I am thrilled that I put that day together on a day that was extremely challenging. Maybe I even found my nutrition plan! After the race, I wasn't completely sick and nauseous as I have been after my training rides so whatever changes I had made in my nutrition worked! I even got to see Lionel Sanders after the race waiting to get his award! I am thrilled with this result. I am a little worried about Ironman here as the course is tough but I still have 7.5 weeks to figure things out and I'm sure my coach will help me do that. I am so happy several members of my team were there with us and enjoyed the experience together.

Some races are better than others!

I took a year off from blogging for so many reasons. I struggled with training and injury. I didn't want to write about it. I went on a trip of a lifetime cross county and wasn't near a computer for almost 2 months! This was amazing. But now I am back! I am training for Ironman Mount Tremblant 70.3 in June and Ironman Mount Tremblant in August! This is going to be an exciting year of training and competing. Since 2014 started, I have been running and competing better than ever. Most races I entered, I PRed. I was on a roll. 2015 I struggled to train and didn't compete well at 70.3 Syracuse but I was prepared for that possibility due to the course and my injuries. We knew that this excellence wasn't going to last forever - you just can't keep getting faster and faster all of the time. I knew it was going to be tough to handle when I finally did have a completely off race. Well, it happened. We signed up for this race a week ago when the weather wasn't cooperating for a marathon Joe had planned to run. I went into the NYCruns Central Park Half Marathon with my 1st solid week of training since December. I knew this wasn't going to be a PR but a nice tempo run for 13.1 miles. We had done some walking but not a lot the day before the race. We ate food that we knew wouldn't bother us. We also were staying in a hotel that every time we were in the room for over an hour, we both felt horrible. My head would hurt. It was so hot that we had to turn on the air conditioner. It was so dry that it felt like I was hungover in the morning. I was taking actions to deal with this by drinking a ton of water but it didn't help. I didn't sleep for 2 nights due to the room, the sirens outside, and the bed that would hold onto heat. Sunday comes along and my legs are not there. I figured it would fix itself as I warmed up. We started up a hill and got to mile 1 - nice effort, it was my warm-up, figured it was about a 10:20 to 10:30 pace based on my effort.... It was 11 min..... What!!!! I had to calm myself down. The people around me were excessively loud and chatty. There were dogs everywhere without a leash - I am afraid of dogs - they were running and barking and growling and all I heard was these really loud people running and dogs. I had to calm down again. Mile 2: I thought was a little better...10:42. This continued the entire race. The people around me were testing my patience too with repeated facetime requests that were not answered, a few that were, and then try those who didn't answer were tried again, over and over again. I tried harder and would get a 10:32 mile. People weren't listening to the volunteers when they told us where to go and were stopping mid stride so I had to cut around them since I knew the course as I had looked at the map prior to the race and was listening to the volunteers. This was reminiscent of the 2011 runner Kelly except that this was my happy race pace and now it was a bust of a day. The best mile I ran was a 10:20. I mentally went from repeating to myself that this had become a long, easy training run to me freaking out that my training wasn't anywhere close to where I thought I was during an Ironman training season. I just needed to see Joe to make sure he was ok and I was doing the math to have an idea of where I should be passed by him. He went by and was fine. That helped a little mentally. The weather was perfect just enjoy the weather I would say to myself. It was a tough, rolling hill course that I should have enjoyed. Sometimes things can't always add up to perfection. This was the slowest half marathon I have done since 2013. That was tough for me. It is still difficult for me - maybe this is what will give me more focus on the training and the goal of a sub 15 hour Ironman. It was one day. I keep reminding myself we knew this was going to happen at some point and today was the day. Better today than Aug 21 during Ironman. After I was done, I sat on a curb and just waited for Joe to run by. I was trying to control my anxiety by texting my "Ironman Training Stress Partner" - Joe said I needed someone who could help me during my mental breakdowns in Ironman training. Joe went by and I felt excited for him at this point. I knew he was at least on pace to run a 2:58 marathon which would qualify him for the 2017 Boston Marathon. 5 more miles to go! Joe rounded the corner so much faster than I anticipated. I looked at the clock and saw a 2:54 and was just in awe of my husband. A day that had a goal of running a 3:04 marathon and he PRed by over a minute. 2:55:43! Just wow. This was everything we had wanted from the day and it happened. How can one be upset by the weekend when one of you has a huge day? I am reflective on the training but super excited for my husband.

2014 in review

2014 started with tons of goals and expectations. I was signed up for my 1st Ironman post cancer. We were headed to our first race outside of the US. I entered the first full year without cancer treatment since 2012. There were high hopes for 2014! 2014 lived up to all of the hype. I became a television star!! Ok, not quite a TV star but I was in a commercial, a print ad, and on a billboard!

A PR in the BAA 5K in April!

Then Joe PRed at the Boston Marathon. Then I PRed in the half marathon as part of the Vermont City Marathon Relay with Joe. We had a great time at the Lake Placid Half marathon. Training with my team! There were highs and lows, laughing, crying, worrying, hard work and determination. We had a lot of fun while training!

Joe and I raced Ironman 70.3 Mont Tremblant in June. This was huge for Joe - he qualified for Ironman 70.3 World Championships and PRed at the race. Mont Tremblant is a beautiful place to visit and race and we can't wait to go back. Then came Ironman Lake Placid. This was the race I waited for ever since February 13, 2012, when I found out my 2012 race wasn't going to happen. This race meant the world to me. All day I had a smile on my face. It wasn't the perfect day - getting pulled from the swim while I was on target to swim the best 2.4 miles of my life, the thunder storm that just followed us for the 1st 30 miles of the bike, and the need to push harder than I had planned on the bike because of the cold rain... But it was a phenomenal day with another PR for the year. I took my finish line back and felt like I was finally back to being me.

We enjoyed some time on vacation together in the sun in celebration of our accomplishment!

We went back to Mont Tremblant in September for Joe to compete in the 70.3 World Championships and saw amazing accomplishments there. What a blast to watch! I loved cheering on my super fast husband in a race most people will never get to race in. Those pros were awesome! The entire experience was fantastic. What a great way to end the summer! The PRs kept coming: 15K at Stockadeathon, 10K at the Troy Turkey Trot, Half marathon at Philly Half! I became obsessed with hot yoga. I have embraced barre classes. I watched my nieces become IronKids. I loved that it was a family affair at the Turkey trot with Sierra and Kaelah doing the kids race, Joe and I doing the 10K, and Lila, my dad, and I ran the 5K together while being cheered on my my mom, Joe, and my sister! I wanted this crazy, athletic, lifestyle back and I went out and took it back! I had a fantastic year. I struggle with the idea that I didn't get to finish the swim at Ironman and, thus, never really did the 2.4 mile swim necessary to be called an Ironman. I did run the extra distance barefoot and survived the elements but I didn't finish the swim... I struggle with the idea of not doing another Ironman this year because of that and because last time I decided to take a year off from Ironman, I didn't get to do that Ironman due to cancer. Although we do have a plan! Rock N Roll Marathon in Washington DC for me in March. Ironman 70.3 Syracuse in June. Hopefully, Ironman 70.3 Princeton in September. Potentially an ultramarathon in October or a marathon in early November. I have found that life is pretty complete with Joe. Here are the year end totals!!! Swim: 128,321 yrds in 54 hrs 46 min Bike: 1,622 miles in 134 hrs 1 min Run: 755 miles in 135 hrs 22 min Racing: 263 miles in 31 hrs 25 min Hot yoga, barre: 37 hrs 36 min That is a pretty solid year! I can only hope that 2015 can hold as much fun and excitement as 2014! The miles along the way will be fun!

Prior to Ironman Post 1 of 2

All of these months of training lead to 7/27/2014, IRONMAN day! The weeks leading up to Ironman I was afraid, excited, worried, petrified, in general all over the emotional board. I was so excited that this was happening though. We had such a great week before Ironman. I knew this was a special race for me for multiple reasons. This year, not only was I doing the race I wasn’t able to do in 2012, but I was doing this with a team and a coach. Everything about this experience was different from the 2009 and 2010 races I had done because of these people. They were all excited for their races and mine and the feeling was mutual. Leading into this race I knew that my coach had set me up really well for the race of my life but I still struggled on the bike and wasn’t feeling as confident in my swim as I had wanted to. I had expectations and I was trying to push them aside and just enjoy the experience but I just couldn’t. I wanted to succeed because I put in so much more time and effort than I had for the other two and I wanted my comeback to be better than the last two experiences. I was really concerned about the bike cutoff but I knew I had done all I could to get myself to the finish line. Ironman isn’t just one day, it is a multi-day extravaganza highlighted by the race on Sunday. This is my journey! Thursday – Check-in: I was so excited about getting my Ironman blue jewelry! I loved that most of the team went together to get their bracelet with us. I had worked registration in the past so I knew what time to go and have no line so it was literally just our team getting their swim caps, stickers, and timing chips! That blue bracelet meant I made it to the race. I was excited! We then went shopping! Well, Joe and I wandered around and only bought a couple of cow bells and a towel with our names on it. Our team loco tent ended up becoming a nice place to hang out for the rest of the afternoon too! That afternoon brought a very helpful message from my friend Missy. She knew I was struggling with confidence when it came to the race. She sent me the message I sent her before her first Ironman. I read it and was so excited again. I basically wrote myself my own pep talk in 2011! I didn’t even know that I had done that for myself. I needed this little reminder of all of the amazing things that an Ironman can hold and I got excited again. Friday – Speedo /Underwear run, phone booth photos, IronKids run, dinner, and welcome ceremony: Friday morning we met for some pictures and then walked down to the NormaTech booth in the oval. They allowed us to sit in their lovely chairs and go through the cycle of a NormaTech massage. It was perfect. I would love those. It was great! My legs and back felt so much better after this! We then did the Speedo run with the Buffalo Tri team. This was a blast! Super slow running while dressed in pink striped knee-high socks, pink running shorts, a striped pink sports bra, fairy wings, and a pink boa! This was just fun and I needed fun to take my mind off of the race. After the race, the girls packed up their stuff and went down to the Upper Jay phone booth and took pictures. Yet again, a great fun time that was distracting from the long day that lay ahead on Sunday. Then there was the IronKids race. My nieces had modified their Team Loco shirts so they looked fierce! They were all going to run the mile on Mirror Lake Drive. IronKids gives some pretty nice swag too – each kid got a cowbell, a t-shirt, a bumpersticker that said IronKid, m-dot temporary tattoo, a drawstring bag, and a bracelet for $15. Plus, they had Mike Reilly starting each race and bringing them home saying “You are an IronKid!” All of the kids had no idea how much we adults really want Mike Reilly to say our names at the end of an Ironman and he is standing in the chute with them and high fiving and they have no idea how exciting this is! The girls all rocked and had a blast. It was so much fun! Then we went to dinner with a few of the local athletes to talk about the day and share in the excitement of the event. Joe and I then went to the Welcome ceremony which was completely different than it had been in the past. At this point, I was really stressing out over the bags which had to be put into transition on Saturday so we went home and tried to make sure everything was together and get some sleep. Saturday Saturday is always a stressful day for me before Ironman. Do I have all of my things? Did I put my running shoes in the bag? How can I make sure these things don’t get wet in the rain that is coming? I just wanted to get my bike ride over with and check things in. Shauna and Colin arrived while we were in the thick of Joe’s power meter not working and my mental chaos. Biked 20 min – I just needed off. Dropped off bags and bikes. Swam 20 min and realized that I incorporated something that Mark and Joe pointed out about my swim stroke on Wednesday and it was immediately helpful – yup, I learned how to swim better the day before Ironman. We showed Shauna and Colin how to get around and went home to distress (because that was possible).

Ironman Lake Placid 2014 Race Report Post 2 of 2

Sunday – Race day Woke up nice and early at 4 am. Joe had music playing immediately. We tried to eat , applied race tats (courtesy of Liam), and I sang. This actually kept me calm while looking at the radar and realizing that we were going to be hit with a thunderstorm hopefully after we were out of the water. We quickly were ready and out the door to walk the mile to the swim start. When we arrived at the Team Loco tent after dropping our special needs bags off, there was a mass of people there. It was great to know that all of these people were either doing the race or cheering for us. I was pretty frantic at this point. This race meant so much to me. Wetsuit went on. Grace told me I couldn’t cry. One of my biggest supporters, Sierra (8), told me “Don’t doubt yourself, Kelly. You are ready for this!” (Coach Jamie should watch out for this one – she gives Joe training advice and gives me pep-talks! She will be the next Ironman coach!) And then we were off to the swim start. The swim start was odd for me. This is my first time with the new wave start. The cannon goes off and I go nowhere quickly. We stand around for a while. I positioned myself at the end of the 1:21 to 1:30 group because based on my swim times in training this is where I belonged. It took us about 20 min to get into the water. The woman next to me and I were singing “Call Me Maybe!” And then it was time to get in the water. The chaos began almost immediately. The pull from all of those people in the water was amazing. The pull was bringing you directly on the cable too. But this was where the arms and legs were flying. The new swim start immediately presented a problem as well – those who did not seed themselves in the right place. I was having major issues getting to people who were not swimming the pace they claimed they were capable of. I also was shocked by how many people were treating this swim as if they were in a boxing ring – I’ve never seen arms flailing with such power before and legs were coming sideways with large leg swings. I was in an Ironman competition, right? That type of leg kick is unnecessary. Within the first 10 min of the swim, I got an uppercut to the jaw. It came out of nowhere. It hurt and left me stunned. I kept swimming though trying to remain calm. Then the 1st turn happened. I got pummeled and swallowed a ton of water and just was struggling to maintain my calm. I couldn’t find any open water where I could get into a good swim position. I had my first moment of the day where I thought I wasn’t going to make it out of the swim. I had to again convince myself that I just needed to get back to swimming and I would settle down. I did! I tried to find some open space off of the line but every time I got some space, I would get pulled back toward the line. I finally decided to just stay on the inside of the line and deal with the people. Then about 5 min from the end of the first loop, I got kicked in the left ribs/abs – wow, that hurt. Somehow this actually just made me angry and I somehow got out of a group right at the end of the first loop. I I swam the first loop in a 42:56 which is the fastest I have ever swam a loop! I got out of the water, waved like a lunatic so my family could see me (I knew they weren’t looking for me but I choose to believe that they were.) I went back into the water found my spot on the inside of the line. I got onto someone’s feet (not flailing, side kicking, feet, just nice gentle fluttering feet) and made my way along pretty well. I felt like I was flying. Still getting pummeled here and there by people’s hands and feet. The amount of people who scratched my feet during this swim was crazy – people need to keep their nails shorter!!! At some point it started to rain but, heck, I’m already in the water so rain is just more water. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, then “SWIM TO SHORE!!!!!” All feet in front of me went down. Everyone was stopping. All I saw was confused faces. Then I realized that there was a boat in front of me and kayaks all around and we were being yelled at to “SWIM TO SHORE!!!” We all just looked at them like – shore is ahead of us, why are you blocking our way? Then we heard and saw it all at the same time – lightning spidering its way across the sky and the accompanying thunder that was immediate. We all put our heads in the water and swam as fast as possible to shore. There were other athletes on the dock helping people out of the water since there was only 1 ladder and there were hundreds of us. By the time I got on the dock, I was in tears. This was the second time I thought my day was over and I had no control over this one. We all moved off the dock and waited for someone to tell us what to do. More lightning, thunder, rain. For some reason, I don’t know why, we knew we needed to get to the street and go to transition. We walked up this random person’s driveway to Mirror Lake Drive. We started running down the road toward transition. We were greeted by volunteers running toward us yelling us to go to transition and get on our bikes. So I take off the top of my wetsuit. I’m running down Mirror Lake drive, barefoot, as fast as I can. It hurt!!! There are not nice pointy parts of the road and we were in barefeet and I was sprinting!!! I got out of the water around 30 min into my 2nd loop. I got to transition with a total of 40:58 for the second loop and the running. I swam about ¾ of the second loop. I was on pace to swim a 1:25ish swim. In my last Ironman I had done a 1:34 so I was well on pace to beat my time. We were running to transition but I knew there was no entrance to transition from where we were coming from. When we arrived at just below the tennis courts they had just opened up the chute and were allowing us to go in that was. I was so disappointed that my swim was cut short and then I was rushing to get back on track! T1: Transition was chaos (not that anything from being yelled at to this point was calm but this was just chaos). They had gotten about 1000 to 1500 athletes out of the water at the exact same time and we all were headed to transition. Add to that the fact that there was a huge thunder and lightning storm. The volunteers were being rearranged as we were entering to help us out. Wetsuit strippers were in transition to help us get our wetsuits off. I could hear my family yelling for me but all I needed to do was figure out what was going on with all of these people around me. I retrieved my bike bag and waded through the oval into the change tent. Yes, waded – there was calf deep water in parts of the change tent. It was so crowded athletes were asking if they could just change outside of the tent – yes, get naked in the oval so that they had space. I was running through the tent trying to find a spot when Amanda grabbed my shoulders, yelled “KELLY!!!” and then left the tent. She refocused me to get my mind where it needed to be. I found a small space and started to change. I even put sunscreen on because, hey, you never know. I knew the radar had said that by 9:30 the rain should be out of here and if there is sun, I will burn. There were literally hundreds of women in this tent trying to navigate the what to wear while it was raining. I elected to not wear the raincoat but the arm sleeves and my bike jersey. I left the tent screaming my number over and over but the volunteers were just overwhelmed with us heading through transition and they were trying so hard to get everyone what they needed. The volunteers in transition were running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to get us what we needed but there were just too many of us to keep up. I left transition in about 11 min. I was finally accounted for in Ironman’s eyes since they had no idea where I was between the end of my 1st loop and my exit onto the bike. Bike I looked at my watch and I realized I had 9 hours to finish the bike. This was my #1 concern – making the bike cutoff. When I saw I had 9 hrs, I knew I was going to be an Ironman today as long as I didn’t have any major issues along the way. We started with a long downhill in the driving rain – well, this could be interesting, I couldn’t see anything. I could hear my name being yelled but I had no idea who it was. I ate almost immediately and planned to follow Coach Jamie’s plan of eating every 10 to 15 min on the bike. It was just pouring rain and there was thunder and lightning everywhere. As we were climbing out all I heard was “Go loco!” All of the thousand of us were now exiting transition at the same time and everyone seemed to know someone on our team or they commented that “All of us should be on team loco today!” I saw a bolt of lightning and heard a massive rumble of thunder as I was climbing out of Placid. I was trying to figure out how this was safe. Everything in my mind told me this was dangerous. I actually remembered the guy who had recently finished an ultra trail run after being hit by lightning so I figured I could do that too! NORMAL PEOPLE SEEK SHELTER IN THESE TYPES OF STORMS – NOT IRONMEN! I actually recalled Coach Jamie telling me “You didn’t sign up for an Easyman. You signed up for an Ironman.” After the fact, my sister showed me the alert for all spectators in the Lake Placid area warning of the severe line of thunder storms that were going to pass over and how they should seek shelter immediately. I realized on the climb out that we were not only in the storm but following it down the hill. Lots of lightning, lots of driving rain. We started going down the Keene descent in the driving rain – oh that hurt. I started noticing a weird rattle and realized it was my teeth chattering because I was freezing. This was the third time I thought I wouldn’t finish the day. I probably should have worn my raincoat. I needed it to stop raining because I was really, really cold. I passed Grace on the descent and she looked as cold as I felt. Plus, it was scary going down the hill with so many people at the same time and in the rain. People like to take risky moves and I was afraid if they fell they were going to take me out too. I got down to the flats and just started eating and pushing so that I could get warm. I started singing “Rain, rain go away” while biking because I just needed to get warm. Grace caught back up to me and we chatted about how her swim was cut short too. I sang “Call me maybe” to her since it was on repeat in my head since the swim start. She rode away from me because she hated that song! We saw Sara and Danny on the Ausable Forks out and back. It finally stopped raining about 2 hrs into the bike and my hands were beginning to not be blue anymore. The rest of the loop was pretty standard. I rode up papa bear and Leigh was there and I told her a secret – “I am going to be an Ironman again today!” I saw my family and friends when we came back into town and all things were better immediately. I rode the first loop in 4:09! I was thrilled with this. The second loop stated warmer than the 1st. I saw Dave, Mary, Billy, and Bob. I was climbing near the hostel and Amanda and Lisa were on the side of the road – we had a little chat as I was going up the hill! The descent went extremely well this time – it was dry!!! Grace and I found each other once again. We talked a little then she would go ahead of me. The second loop was pretty standard. I was a little afraid that I was pushing too hard and that it would impact my run but I kept hearing Danny tell me how to ride when we rode together a couple weeks earlier. Grace and I turned into Wilmington at about the same time and it started raining again (thunder, lightning, the works). There may have been some profanity between the two of us but I will not confirm or deny that. Then as we started to climb near the flume, my chain fell off. Got off, fixed, back on the bike. Grace turned to me when I caught up and told me that I was having a rocking bike and I just couldn’t believe it was happening. I had eaten potatoes, bananas, Honey Stinger waffles, or pineapple every 10 to 15 min the entire time. I had been drinking my skratch nutrition the entire time. I had 3 bottles of water on top of that. I felt great. Grace and I entered transition right next to one another. I was also excited that I had biked an 8:19:11! My fastest bike had been an 8:35 in the previous two Ironman’s that I had done! I knew that if I could keep myself together for the run, I could PR big time and maybe even hit my goal of a low 15 hour Ironman! T2: Transition was fine. I had a volunteer that put my socks and shoes on for me!!! There was a volunteer that put sunscreen on my back under my tri top so that if I moved my top, I wouldn’t burn! I thanked the volunteers for helping me in the 6:41 in transition and I was off running! Run When I started running the first thing I thought was “I think my shoes are on the wrong feet.” I just kept looking down to figure out why my shoes were feeling so weird. I saw and heard my nieces so excited about me being done with the bike. I went out faster than I wanted to 11 min 1st mile. I tried to settle in. I saw Bob, Mary, Dave, and Billy again! I was super excited about being on the run! Almost immediately I saw Joe running toward me. I knew this meant that he smashed his previous PR and I was greeted with a huge smile! Now I could just enjoy my day knowing that Joe rocked his! I then saw Rob and was greeted with a big smile. Liam, probably the biggest smile I saw out there. Clay and Mark – same thing. Jeremiah – same thing. Steve – oh, Steve was just so happy he was going to be an Ironman and that was contagious! Sara told me how excited she was to see me out there. Danny was ecstatic as always. Grace had a big smile on her face. My team knew this was a huge deal for me as well as for them and they loved seeing me out there with them since I wasn’t able to do it in 2012. They made me happy! As I kept running though I just didn’t feel great. This is the fourth time I was thinking I wasn’t going to make it to that finish line by midnight. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I wasn’t nauseous. I didn’t want to eat anything I had though either. I didn’t want to drink the Skratch nutrition I was carrying. I knew my plan was to start drinking coke on the 2nd loop of the run and didn’t want to start earlier than that but my intestines were very bloated. I stopped twice to see if I just needed to use the bathroom. I was hydrated well – I knew this. I just kept running because I kept saying this will pass. I told Joe I felt like crap when I passed him after the 1st loop. He looked so happy with his finish and was now cheering for me – it was really exciting to see him there. At the first aid station out of town I had chicken broth and coca cola. Then Mary came and ran along with me for a little way. It was all I needed to keep myself going. The combination of Mary’s excitement and the sugar and salt from the nutrition was great. The next aid station I had more chicken broth and coca cola. These things were like the nectar of the gods! All things were getting better. I just kept running and telling myself that I came here trained to run a marathon so I was going to run a marathon! I kept running between aid stations, walking aid stations and taking in water, coke and chicken broth and then running again. I saw Sara again and sang to her (“I Could Be your Payback! Let me lean you way back!) I saw Grace again and she was still smiling. I saw Sara again and she told me “I love you!” and I yelled back “Go make that finish line your bitch!” (You can see which one of us is more lady like!) Grace was told to go get her Ironman! She still had a huge smile on her face! Life was still moving along. I saw Bob at one of the aid stations and he got so excited to see me he gave me such a big hug he lifted me off the ground! I kept moving – nothing hurt anymore. I came to run a marathon, so I was running this marathon. I knew I was looking at a low 15 hour Ironman at this point and I just wanted to chip away at the time and try to make it as low 15 as I possibly could. The glow sticks were handed out. I could hear Mike Reilly tell people they were Ironmen and so I started muttering to myself “You are an Ironman! You are an Ironman! When is it my turn to be an Ironman?” I kept running. I got up the Horse Show hill and found Dave on his bike looking for me. I kept running. He was asking me questions and then all of a sudden said “Kelly, do you know you just passed 15 people?” I just wanted to keep running – I wanted to hear Mike Reilly tell me I was an Ironman immediately. I just kept hearing people cheering for me because I was one of the few that was still running. I saw my nieces and sister. Kaelah started running with me singing “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” changing the lyrics to her Ironman version. I kept running. I just kept getting faster. I wanted to get to that finish line really badly. I had a perpetual smile on my face by this time too. I realized I think it had been there all day long. I was so psyched to be back here where I belonged. I ran into the oval. Found Joe with Grace, Rob, Leigh, Shauna and Colin. I ran over to Joe and gave him a big hug and told him I loved him. He lifted me off the ground and told me to go find the finish line! I heard the crowd cheering and just was so excited. “Kelly Sullivan, 35……..” Mike waited for me to cross that finish line then finished “YOU ARE AN IRONMAN!” I ran a 5:20:45 and negative split the marathon after doing 112 miles and a mixture of swimming and barefoot sprinting 2.4 miles! Total time of 15:20:20! Almost a full hour faster than my last one.

The after: In the week after I was both excited and disappointed. I didn’t get to finish the swim of an Ironman. This was completely out of my control but still I didn’t do the whole 2.4 miles and some of the things said on the internet were pretty mean spirited toward those of us who “Didn’t make the cut.” I basically had a day where I swam 2.2 miles, climbed a ladder, off-roaded barefoot for a little, sprinted .2 miles barefoot (actually the road is longer than the swim so I probably did more than that distance), transitioned, did 112 miles of biking, and 26.2 miles of running. I think that sounds harder than an Ironman both mentally and physically. If I had started up in the swim start where I didn’t belong, I probably would have finished my swim because people completed the swim in 1:25 who did that but I didn’t. In my comeback race, things went a little crazy. I am proud of my day. I also know that I must do another (2016 just not sure where yet) so that I can affirm to myself that I could do the distances as they were set out to be done. I feel great that I accomplished my goal and smashed what I thought I would do on that day though. I am an Ironman! Thank you: My coach Jamie Boward at Mercury Endurance is one of the main reasons I could have done this. He believed in my abilities and trained me to do this well. I did everything he asked of me to make sure I was prepared but he set me up for success. My husband Joe is also a big reason I did this well. He knew I was in the best shape of my life and believed in me. My team(more of a family than a team) made this so much more fun to train for and to participate in because we were all in this together. Thank you to all of you for making this experience so special. To the volunteers, you rocked. And to our spectators – just WOW! You were so motivating and made me excited to get back into town! Thank you to you all! This day was just unbelievable and unforgettable.

Ironman Mont Tremblant 70.3

I have had a very exciting few months leading up to this race. Training for Ironman has been time consuming, exhausting, painful, mentally challenging, and rewarding. I have PRed in the BAA 5K in April running a 27:05. I PRed in the half marathon at the Vermont City Marathon Relay by running a 2:10.21 which is 6 min faster than my previous PR. I have been working really hard to make sure that I am ready for the Lake Placid Ironman. I am obviously invested and training well because I am having mini-meltdowns about training and freaking out about biking and putting together a proper race day nutrition plan. As part of our training, Joe and I signed up for Ironman Mont Tremblant 70.3 after spending a couple days there last summer and not having a very good time training (that sounds like a ridiculous idea but welcome to my ridiculous life). The week before leaving, I had a difficult long ride where I got a flat, had a nice Canadian change it for me, and the last hour ended up being cold and wet. Actually it was so cold that I couldn't feel my hands or feet and a guy from the Rye Tri Club was so worried he got back to his car and was coming to get me! He found me at my car trying to get my bike back on the car. Then the next day my pedals broke. I had a new pair put on and my knee ended up bothering me. I have also been struggling with an ab strain that I just can't seem to get a handle on. I started to freak out about the race the entire week before the race. I was freaking out about even making the bike cut off at Ironman Lake Placid. I started thinking that maybe I was too hasty in signing up for an Ironman that was only a year and three months since my last cancer treatment - maybe I wasn't improving quickly enough for this very big event. 140.6 is very daunting to me - it was the first 2 times, and it continues to be now. We travel to Mont Tremblant on Friday. When we got there and went to check in, I noticed how fit and fast everyone looked. I started freaking out that I wasn't going to finish. (Welcome to my pre-Ironman jitters!!) My fears were not helped when I went for a run where I was passed by extremely fast people - men and women alike - and my knees were still really bothering me. Saturday, I ended up not feeling very well. My eyes hurt. My knees hurt. I was exhausted. I actually took 2 naps just because I was exhausted. Sunday, I woke up and was extremely nervous. I realized that I wanted to go into it with no expectations but I just can't figure out how to let go of my expectations and just have a great time out there. I am working harder than I have ever worked and I want my results to show how hard I am working. I had a mini-meltdown in a porta potty before putting my wetsuit on when they played "Beautiful Day" by U2 - all you Ironmen know how this song is important to Ironman starts. I was freaked out about the swim and the swim start - my first race swim of the season. I was trying to just calm down and just couldn't figure it out. Joe kept telling me "It is just a long training day." I tried to believe him. Then the swim went off! The swim started well. I had great lines to the bouys. The water was great. It wasn't choppy. I had space. Then it changed. The fast people in the wave behind me also had my great line and ran into me. I was catching the slower swimmers in front of me. The people around me couldn't figure out how to swim in a straight line. I was getting hit and grabbed. I would be fighting for space then try to pick up the pace, find some space and settle in, just to do it all again. I was surprised by how much contact there was in the swim. The swim felt like it took forever. 44:35 - not so bad. I was happy to be out of the water and heading to the bike. The Transition zone was sooooooo long but there were wetsuit peelers aka strippers - that made me happy. I just kept running after having been stripped of my wetsuit. The fun of this was hearing "Bravo" and "Allez! Allez! Allez!" from all of the French Canadian spectators. It was great! I ran by Joe's bike and noticed that he was already gone. This means that he swam pretty well and passed me in the water! He was probably one of the people who hit me! I thought "Go Joe Go!" When I got to my bike I put on tons of sunscreen because I knew it was not shaded at all on the highway that awaited me and it was extremely sunny! I ate a potato and headed out! I spent 7:05 running to transition and in transition. The bike goal was to feel comfortable the entire way, nail down some nutritional strategy, and feel like I could run off of the bike. I actually enjoyed the bike. I had gone for a ride on the course when we visited Mont Tremblant last August so I understood the different parts of the course and knew where I wanted to hold back and why. The first part was all about fueling and the last 15K was all about riding hills in an intelligent manner. I think I did that. I was happy on the bike the entire time. I fueled not exactly perfectly but I learned a lot about what I think I need to do and what needed to change. It wasn't my fastest 70.3 bike but it wasn't horrible either. I thought it was a reasonable course and enjoyed seeing everyone riding on the out-and-backs and loved the aid station volunteers - they were so excited and amazing! 3:59:29 was my final time. I would have liked it to be faster but I felt great after the bike so I think I succeeded. Transition was better this time. Again, I put sunscreen on because it was sunny and I really couldn't deal with sunburn. I ended up with a 3:38 T2. The run started and I was smiling and felt light on my feet. The spectators were excited about everyone! Mont Tremblant loves cheering for Ironman competitors. Immediately I was trying to find my pace. What I forgot was that we were in Canada and the race was measured in kilometers! I don't know my pace per kilometer and I couldn't do math at this stage in the race. I wanted to go out more slowly because I knew the first 5K was rolling hills and then it is slightly downhill to the end of the bike path and slightly uphill back to the old village and rolling hills the last 5K. I went out too fast. I had no idea how fast I was going. I was trying to figure out what pace I should have been running but, again, I couldn't do math. At 15K, I started to slow. I was just rolling along and felt fantastic. Then, I was just running and counting down the last 6K. The last 2 hills were extremely difficult but I pushed through them. I found Joe just before we entered the pedestrian village and I had nothing left. The downhill finish started right around there and the crowds yelling in French were amazing. The finish line was great. I finished to fireworks! I had no idea how fast my half marathon was at this point but I figured it out the next day - 2:17.16 which is just wonderful for me! My total time was 7:12.03. More importantly, I finished thinking that I am actually going to be able to finish Ironman. I also would love another attempt at this course. It is close to where I was in 2009 when I did my first Ironman and I think this course was more challenging than the course I did then and I was only a couple of seconds off of my time there. It was 6 min slower than my fastest 70.3 in 2010 but I felt better after this one than I did after the 2009 and 2010 70.3s. Which means I can get back to training more quickly than I was able to before. More importantly, I have improved in the swim, bike, and run since last August when I did Rev3 Main Old Orchard Beach. I took 27 min off of my overall time since then. Not bad for less than a year between the two events. I love that my body is improving every day. Mont Tremblant and Ironman put on a great event. It was phenomenal. When I found Joe at the end he was excited for me but then he told me his time (4:38)! This time was beyond what we expected from the day for him! It was a great surprise. The biggest surprise came when we found out he qualified for the Ironman 70.3 World Championships in September back in Mont Tremblant. This made our weekend! I couldn't be more proud of my super speedy husband and all of his efforts. He is having a phenomenal year: Boston marathon (PR, re-qualified for 2015), 70.3 PR and qualification, next up Ironman Lake Placid, and then the 70.3 Ironman World Championships! This is an awesome, amazing and I am just so happy to be with him through it all!

A letter to cancer

On February 13, 2012, I was given a cancer diagnosis. In that moment I was forced to say (in the words of Barney Stinson of How I Met Your Mother)"Challenge accepted!" I was forced to fight for my life. And I did. I do not wish this happened to me but it has. As I approached this date 2 years later, I was struggling with how I felt about this day, what it did to my life, and I decided to write a letter to cancer to tell it what I feel. Here it goes. Dear Cancer, Thank you! I know that this sounds weird but thank you. You tried to take things away from me but instead you gave me a more complete outlook on life. You tried to make me weak but you failed. Instead you made me stronger. I said I gave you a year of my life but I lied. I gave you 11 weeks and then I fought really hard to run and bike throughout treatment and once chemo was over, I trained for a marathon. Then I trained for a 70.3 triathlon. I did more training in 2013 than I did in 2011 (see stats below). And now I'm training for an Ironman. And after that, it just gets bigger and better. You gave me two mantras that motivate me beyond every possible excuse my mind could imagine - "I've been through worse" and "All I wanted was to do this during treatment so get your f#@*ing ass in gear." You tried to give me excuses but I refused to allow for that to happen - I don't have an excuse, as Scott Jurek said in his book Eat and Run, "Sometimes you just do things." You tried to break me down but instead I grew stronger. I am stronger mentally and physically than I was prior to my diagnosis and I LOVE it! You thought you took away my confidence in my body image but you didn't. I am happier with how I look today, scars and all, than I did the day I was told you were trying to wreak havoc on my life. I've also lost all the weight I put on while trying to defeat you and now weight less than I did before you came into my life. You tried to take away my competitive edge but you couldn't. I am a fighter and I wouldn't allow you to take it away. I still may not be fast but I want that finish line of races more than I've ever wanted it before and I am working harder than I've ever worked before to get there. Not only that, but now I have a team and a coach that expect great things from me - nothing can stand in my way, not even you! You tried to take away my joy for living but I wouldn't let that happen. I make sure I do everything in my day to make me happy. I love my life. I can honestly say that even with cancer in my life in my 30's, these have been my favorite years. You tried to take away opportunities that would make my life more full but you failed. I've actually had more opportunities come my way post cancer than I did pre-cancer because I am more open to opportunities that present themselves to me. I have met wonderful people through this that I wouldn't have met before. I was asked to "star" in a commercial which was just a blast and a half to be a part of. You tried to make me scared but you didn't. I understand the concept of living one day at a time but that means I live each day like it is my last and I make sure to enjoy every moment I spend with my handsome and incredible husband, my family, and my friends. I'm not afraid. I am determined to be amazing. I am a ROCK STAR!!! So in closing, THANK YOU! You helped to stoke the fire inside of me to be the best possible me that I could be. I am not angry that you entered my life. I am joyful to have defeated you. You should have known that I was a badass chick with huge expectations from myself. Thank you for driving me forward to look at my dreams and not be afraid to pursue them. Thank you for reminding me that I want more than mediocre. I chose and choose to DANCE and I do that on a daily basis. Or more appropriately I chose and choose to SWIM, BIKE, RUN, and LOVE! This is what STRENGTH and PERSISTENCE looks like. This is just a reminder of who not to pick on in the future.

Thank you! * Stats from February 6, 2013 to December 31, 2013 not including the first two weeks of September after my port removal surgery: Swim: 55 miles in 37 hrs 27 min Bike: 1429.82 miles in 113 hrs 44 min Run: 528.23 miles in 99 hrs 50 min Race: 102.88 miles in 18 hrs 18 min

Vermont City Marathon 2013

Instead of doing a traditional race report I decided to do a list of things I learned during the Vermont City Marathon! So, here it goes: 1. Marathons hurt and I remembered how strong I am when I just kept trucking especially while running into a head wind with rain pelting your face. 2. I went out too fast. If you are a former athlete of mine reading this, you will be laughing since all I used to tell you is "Don't go out too fast". I should take my own advice. 3. I love my running mantras. I employed all of them over and over again. Especially the one "If I'm smiling, it doesn't hurt that badly!" 4. I love the feeling of a finish line! There is nothing like it. 5. I have great friends and family who cheered me on while watching the race in Burlington, while waiting for texts from my husband to see how I was doing, while running the marathon and yelling to me when they saw me, and who decorated my house in celebration of my accomplishment. 6. I am capable of dealing with a lot of nasty weather (rain, wind, 41 degrees) for a long time (5 hrs and 11 min of it to be exact). 7. I loved every minute of every mile of the race and can't wait to do it again! 6 marathons complete, 5 states down, 45 plus DC to go! But I think I'll do an Ironman before I get to the 7th! 7. The last and most important: This wasn't about cancer and conquering cancer when I finally hit the starting line. This was about me being back in the place where I belonged. Where I fit in. I'm BACK!

DONE

I am officially done with cancer treatments! I am extremely excited! April 30 will have a very exciting meaning for a long time. It is the first day of the rest of my life. I decided a celebration was in order. What does that mean to me? It was an 1800 yard swim before work, an 8.88 mile bike ride, followed by a 2 mile run. This was my first brick workout since August 2011 (I think). Why did I decide to do this? Because I can. I was really excited to see a bald eagle on the run as well. It was fantastic. I am not usually a person who believes in symbolic things but I just thought that this was really cool. The symbol of our nations freedom. The bird that was almost extinct and made a comeback was just flying by as I was running my first brick since 2011. Wow! I am also super excited that my marathon training is at its peak for the last treatment. I am doing a 20 miler this weekend and then I am running a marathon May 26th!!! Wow!! I'm extremely excited and fueled internally by a fire that just gets bigger everyday! What a way to celebrate me being alive!! Here's to my freedom, my rebirth, and my comeback!!! April stats are fantastic too!!! Swim: 5.22 miles in 3 hrs 31 min Bike: 165.55 miles in 13 hrs 33 min Run: 106.02 miles in 19 hrs 57 min Total: 276.79 miles in 37 hrs 01 min (not bad for a chick that was going through cancer treatments)

3 to go

I am in all regards "back to normal" except that I am still in treatment once a week. I love that I am training again. I love that I am seeing muscles come back that I haven't seen in a while. I love that my body is responding to training again. I love that I feel better every day. The past few weeks I have started to be resentful of my time in the treatment room, in that chair. I lose 2 hrs each and every week at least to driving to and from an appointment and sitting in a chair and having chemicals pumped into my body. As the weather is getting better and my training intensifying, I am getting more antsy about giving up my time to sit in a chair and have chemicals pumped into my body. I would rather be outside on my bike. I would rather be doing work at school so that I can get out and take a run without wondering when I can get it accomplished. I resent that place for taking my time away from me. I resent cancer for allowing this to happen to me. I feel like my body is repaying me in some ways by allowing me train for 10 hrs a week but I am still not done with cancer treatment. I know that I am doing this to make sure that I have fought cancer and won. But I really just want my life back. I don't blame my oncology nurses for this. They are fantastic. They are the only reason I can endure the time there without really being resentful. Today just was even more irritating because it was beautiful outside and all I wanted to do was go outside and run and I had not only an infusion but also a doctors appointment. There was a 3 hr time suck from my day with 2 hrs at the office and 1 hr of driving time. I have over the past several years made it a priority to not have doctors appointments during the spring or the summer because of my training schedule. Cancer has changed that but I will ultimately get control back soon. So, I have three weeks left. Then if you need me on a Tuesday afternoon, you can be assured I will be doing something challenging and fun, not sitting in a chair!

March Stats

March has been a really great month for me. At this point last year, I was recovering from surgery and now I am in the middle of training for a marathon. I went outside for the longest ride since July of last year and by far the most difficult ride I have taken since the fall of 2011 (19.9 miles on the last day of the month). There are moments when I am doing a 13 miler (yes, I completed my first 13.1 mile run in March since last Jan 1, 2012) or doing speed work or doing sets in the pool (I completed my longest swim since Jan 2012 of 1800 yards this month as well) where I can't even believe what I am doing 7 months post chemo and, more importantly, while going through cancer treatment still! That is amazing to me. I love that my body was capable of doing this. I look back though and realize that I didn't give it an option. I wanted to be back here so badly that I made it happen. Mental toughness is truly most of my success and I knew I had it in me prior to cancer but cancer just made me even more tough. I love when people I haven't seen in a while ask me how running is going and I tell them that I train for the marathon and a 70.3 between 8 and 9 hrs a week and their faces can't register this craziness! I'm extremely satisfied with how things are going and I am excited to see how April goes! So, here are my stats for the month of March - I am extremely pleased!!! Total time training: 32 hrs 22 min with 272.7 miles. Swim miles:5.97 in 4 hrs. Bike miles: 186.9 miles in 13 hrs 30 min. Run miles: 79.83 miles in 14 hrs 53 min.

March 15 - 1 year since surgery

March 14, 2012 - I woke up, went to work, and was visited by most of my co-workers throughout the day. I left work early (after being told it was time for me to go by my partner in crime who knew I was trying to make sure all was in perfect order before I left my students to my substitute that I really didn't know - how stressful) and immediately felt a weight lift off of my shoulders. Why? I think it was because, although work was allowing me to escape from my reality of "cancer patient", it was really stressful to be planning, grading,and putting my teenage students needs in front of my own. I realized I was exhausted from it all. I went and had my sentinel node injection - I know what it would feel like to get my nipples pierced after that one (not that I have them anymore), not pleasant! I went home to take a nap. Then I went back had my scan and went for a really intense 4 mile run and came home to get on my trainer for 40 min, also really intense. I remember all parts of that day vividly. I remember what my body looked like, how it felt to push my body super hard, and how my mind actually found a calm place at the end of the day because the next day was finally the beginning of treating a disease that would potentially kill me if we didn't take action. March 15, 2012 - I woke up, put on my Ironman t-shirt, and Joe brought me to the hospital. I had a double mastectomy. Most of the day is gone to me. I remember a lot of it but there is a huge chuck of it that I was under anesthesia or doped up on a huge dose of morphine. March, 2013 - I have a lot of different feelings on me being "in treatment" for a full year. I don't want to dread March 15 for the rest of my life so I decided that we were going to have a lot of fun for the days surrounding March 15. I had dinner with girlfriends on Thursday. On Friday, I swam the longest swim I have done since January 2012, had a great dinner with my husband, and went to see some new friends. On Saturday, I RACED!!! I mean, full out race pace, want to puke at the end because I'm running at my race pace, RACED!! Runnin' of the Green - a race I couldn't do last year. I broke 40 (39:56) which is fantastic for a girl still in cancer treatment. The last time I did the race in 2011 I finished in 38:22 (my fastest time ever) so I think this is pretty exciting. I forgot how horribly wonderful race pace feels - almost like being beaten up by a bat and running. IT WAS AMAZING!!! Joe and I then had a ton of fun with our St. Patrick's Day celebration. I still have mixed feelings on this day. I said that cancer could have 1 year of my life and I still have 6 weeks left and one surgery in August. I get angry that I still have to go to treatment 1 year later. Although I love seeing my oncology nurses each week - I would prefer seeing them in a more social setting than when I am being infused with chemicals. That really bothers me. Cancer has given me things though too. I have met people who I would never have met if I had not been diagnosed with cancer. These people are great friends that understand me and things that I love including running! I have made connections that have made me a better person. I have inherited an internal drive that I feel like is on super speed. If I want something, I will make it happen. I know I am strong - there is no question in my mind of this after all I have been through. I have less stress in my life - surprisingly - but it is true because I know nothing is really worth that much stress. I love my husband more and more everyday because of all he is and all he has done for me. I have had so many funny things happen to me over the last year too. People can say some really stupid things to people with cancer. I have questions that I do not have answers to, and that is ok! I do not always need a plan anymore, although I will say that I would much prefer one - cancer didn't really change that about me! I must admit that although it has been a tough year that has changed me, I think I am a better person for it. So, we count down to the end of cancer treatments. After April 30, I will have some free time on my hands and after the end of September I will have a life ahead of me that does not include time off for cancer. So, technically 6 weeks until cancer treatments end and 23 weeks until my last surgery. 27 weeks until I am truly done!!!

The 1/2 Marathon That Never Was

I was hoping that I could have done a half marathon on Jan 1 but then I randomly hurt my knee and couldn't. Then Shauna found the Quincy Half Marathon and Joe and I decided - why not! The half was supposed to be this weekend but it was cancelled on Friday due to snow and other reasons that made me realize that I do not believe that the Quincy PD actually ever wanted to hold this race in the first place and the Quincy PD just happened to have a reason to cancel it. This call made me wonder about what is happening to racing where we are so quick to cancel races for heat, snow, etc - but that is another blog altogether. I honestly didn't realize how important it was to me until it was cancelled. I know I am doing better than expected but I really want to conquer a distance race. I have always said that I will really feel like I am back to normal when I finish a marathon and an Ironman. I didn't realize how much I needed to finish a longer distance race. I realized that I didn't see the half as such a huge accomplishment for me initially but now I do - a half marathon 6 1/2 months after finishing chemo would have been impressive. I could have done 13.1 miles today if I wanted to but decided to keep working toward the larger goal of the marathon in the sequence my coach and I both think is appropriate. This means that I did 11 miles. I didn't even realize that this was the longest run I have done since being diagnosed with cancer last February. This was really exciting to me! I am proud of myself for this accomplishment. Although, I will likely be in the 13.1 mile range next weekend and I am hoping the race organizers can convince the Quincy PD to find two weeks from now to be an appropriate date to reschedule but I am not holding out hope. I may be looking to do another half somewhere close by just so I can have the excitement of crossing a finish line of a half sooner rather than later if they do not reschedule. By the way, 8 weeks left of cancer treatment! How exciting!

6 months and counting

6 months ago today I went through my last chemo treatment. I ate Coccadotts cupcakes with the infusion staff when it was all done. I realized recently that I suffered through those last chemo treatments pretty badly but everyday I got up and knew that tomorrow was a better day. I also realized recently that if my infusion nurses weren't so amazing at making the experience more pleasant than it was, I probably would have hated every moment of the last 42 weeks treatments. Every time I go in, I actually have a good time - they are fabulous people who make me feel comfortable and know about my life because I'm there every week. They are some of the reason that I didn't know that I felt horrible. They wouldn't treat me like I am sick and that made a huge difference. I have made huge strides in 6 months. I am now working with a coach to get me through the marathon, 70.3, and 140.6. I have hair that is longer and longer every day! I feel stronger! To prove that I have made huge strides, in the month of February I have completed 61.1 miles of running in 11 hrs 35 min which is an average pace of 11 min 22 sec per mile (not too shabby). I have biked about 119 miles in 8 hrs 30 min. And I have gone into the pool and swam 2.7 miles in 1 hr 49 min for a total mileage of 182.9 miles in 21 hrs 55 min! We can compare that to 2008 when I was training for my first 70.3 I had a total mileage of 69.12 miles in February (yikes), 2009 when I was training for my first 140.6: 212.41 miles in February (only ~30 miles difference), 2010 when I was training for my second 140.6: 205.02 miles in February (only ~23 miles difference), 2011 when I wasn't training for anything: 108.86 miles, and last year 2012, although this will be different because I found out I had cancer last year in February and knew Ironman was out of the question so I just scaled back on mileage but went all out all of the time: 155.27 miles. I think I'm kicking ass everyday! On this day where I celebrate that I have made huge strides, I also found out that I only have 9 weeks left of treatment instead of 10! April 30 is my last treatment date! This is really exciting. I even did a happy dance in the living room when I found out!

Cancerversary

At 2:35 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012, I received a phone call that made me feel like my life was spiraling out of control. I had called earlier that day to get the results of my biopsy and was actually teaching with my phone in my hand just in case I got a call while I had class. But that is not when I got my phone call. I was actually on my way to a faculty meeting. "Kelly, It's Dr. ___. Do you have a minute to talk? If not, I can call you tonight." "Of course I want to talk about this!" is what I wanted to say but instead I was pleasant and started walking toward a more private area than the hallway I was standing in. I was shaking because I new if my actual doctor was calling me, this was bad. Then I heard the words that changed my life "You have infiltrative ductal carcinoma." My friends Heather and Jeanne were walking to the meeting as well and saw me walking quickly while on the phone looking frazzled and they quickly followed me. I remember writing furiously while shaking. I remember exactly what Jeanne was wearing - an orange shirt that I really like. Heather was wearing a shirt that had a little shimmer to it. All things around me were things I encountered everyday, this was a normal day and then it wasn't. I remember Jeanne sitting across the table from me watching me write and trying to read it. Heather was just rubbing my back and telling me to breathe. I was told that they were going to make an appointment for me to see a surgeon. I was told that my doctor would call me back at 7:30 pm to check in and see if I had more questions after I had time to process this information. I remember asking "How do tell your husband you have cancer?" I believe there was an offer to have either Heather or Jeanne call my husband but I needed to do it. Joe's reaction was not expected. He just said "Well, what is the next step?" He was completely calm. We have talked about that moment since then and he says he knew I would be fine so he didn't want to freak out over it. I can tell you that he did react more when he had to tell his family and when we found out it was Her2Neu positive (Monday, February 27). I realized I was done with Ironman for the year which was just difficult to process. At 3pm, I went to my faculty meeting. At 3:20 I got a phone call for an appointment with my surgeon. Then I went to my classroom, packed my stuff and went to the gym. From 4:30 to 5:15 I worked as hard as I possibly could on the spin bike in spin class. All I wanted to do was scream. I had jelly legs from my effort when I got off the bike. I left the gym, composed myself, and called my sister. I asked her to go somewhere the kids couldn't see her and she did. I told her. And there was silence on the phone, just sniffling. I assured her I would be fine and told her I was heading my my parents to tell them and someone would call her back in a couple minutes. I told my parents who kept it together really well while I was there and gave me information from my mother's cancer diagnosis so that I could bring it with me to the appointments to give some more information. I talked to Kate who for the first time lost it with me. Spiraling out of control. That is how my life felt. I finally got home, talked to my doctor, and then Joe came home. He walked right over to me and hugged me and I just cried. From February 15th through 16th, I saw a surgeon, an oncologist, and a radiation oncologist. I showed up to all of the appointments with my Ironman clothes on - I wanted them to know where my passion lies so that they knew what they were dealing with right up front. I was given so much information that my head was spinning. I went about my workdays as normal as I possibly could. I had many meeting with my principal to discuss how we tell the staff and students. I wanted to make sure there was no pitty, no excessive hugging going to happen so we decided the day before vacation was the perfect day to tell the faculty since I had to leave for an MRI anyway and I wouldn't have to be at the meeting. We decided to tell the students later when we knew when I had surgery scheduled. It made life easier for me if people around me knew what was going on since I wasn't always focused and feeling like I was keeping a secret was just weighing me down. I went and did the HMRRC relay which was difficult because it was the first time people I knew from Ironman were around and they were asking "How's Ironman training going?" I had to tell them I wasn't doing the race. This was tough. During this time, I had to tell friends. My favorite, and in my opinion, the best response was from Amy. When she heard, all she texted me was "Well, s*@t!" Then I went on vacation in Florida for 1 week. I really needed that vacation. Now, after 1 year of highs and lows, I faced this day with feelings all over the board. I am so glad my day at work was busy because I didn't think about it at all. This is a 100% improvement from1 year ago when all I could think about was cancer. Once I had time to think, anger came around. I was out for a run and just couldn't reel in my effort - so much for a progression run, more like an all out 5K and I loved the pain associated with it, the completely breathless feeling, the screaming my muscles and mind were doing telling me this was not what the workout called for. This made me feel alive. This is my drug of choice to control my stress - running. After my run was over and my breathing was getting back under control, I cried. How could this have happened to me? I still wonder that. I remember saying to Jeanne last year that I didn't want to be a martyr, I wanted an "easy" cancer. I wanted people to look at me and say "You got off easy." That didn't exactly happen. I said cancer could take part in 1 year of my life. It has been 1 year and I am not done with treatment yet. This was not my plan and that makes me angry. I have learned that I "can't always get what I want" all of the time - who knew?? I have struggled today to figure out what today means to me, I have no idea what the answer to that question is but I wonder if next year, when this day comes, maybe it won't be so emotional. Tomorrow is another day. I am growing more and more accustomed to a new body each day. I know that cancer has changed me but I am a formidable foe with more motivation each day to show the world what I have in me. Cancer gave me something to, a new mantra for my difficult runs which helps me every time I feel like I can't put one foot in front of the other anymore and this will get me through a marathon in a few months, a 70.3, and Ironman - "I have been through worse and conquered. Today is easier than cancer treatment."