3 to go

I am in all regards "back to normal" except that I am still in treatment once a week. I love that I am training again. I love that I am seeing muscles come back that I haven't seen in a while. I love that my body is responding to training again. I love that I feel better every day. The past few weeks I have started to be resentful of my time in the treatment room, in that chair. I lose 2 hrs each and every week at least to driving to and from an appointment and sitting in a chair and having chemicals pumped into my body. As the weather is getting better and my training intensifying, I am getting more antsy about giving up my time to sit in a chair and have chemicals pumped into my body. I would rather be outside on my bike. I would rather be doing work at school so that I can get out and take a run without wondering when I can get it accomplished. I resent that place for taking my time away from me. I resent cancer for allowing this to happen to me. I feel like my body is repaying me in some ways by allowing me train for 10 hrs a week but I am still not done with cancer treatment. I know that I am doing this to make sure that I have fought cancer and won. But I really just want my life back. I don't blame my oncology nurses for this. They are fantastic. They are the only reason I can endure the time there without really being resentful. Today just was even more irritating because it was beautiful outside and all I wanted to do was go outside and run and I had not only an infusion but also a doctors appointment. There was a 3 hr time suck from my day with 2 hrs at the office and 1 hr of driving time. I have over the past several years made it a priority to not have doctors appointments during the spring or the summer because of my training schedule. Cancer has changed that but I will ultimately get control back soon. So, I have three weeks left. Then if you need me on a Tuesday afternoon, you can be assured I will be doing something challenging and fun, not sitting in a chair!