March 15 - 1 year since surgery

March 14, 2012 - I woke up, went to work, and was visited by most of my co-workers throughout the day. I left work early (after being told it was time for me to go by my partner in crime who knew I was trying to make sure all was in perfect order before I left my students to my substitute that I really didn't know - how stressful) and immediately felt a weight lift off of my shoulders. Why? I think it was because, although work was allowing me to escape from my reality of "cancer patient", it was really stressful to be planning, grading,and putting my teenage students needs in front of my own. I realized I was exhausted from it all. I went and had my sentinel node injection - I know what it would feel like to get my nipples pierced after that one (not that I have them anymore), not pleasant! I went home to take a nap. Then I went back had my scan and went for a really intense 4 mile run and came home to get on my trainer for 40 min, also really intense. I remember all parts of that day vividly. I remember what my body looked like, how it felt to push my body super hard, and how my mind actually found a calm place at the end of the day because the next day was finally the beginning of treating a disease that would potentially kill me if we didn't take action. March 15, 2012 - I woke up, put on my Ironman t-shirt, and Joe brought me to the hospital. I had a double mastectomy. Most of the day is gone to me. I remember a lot of it but there is a huge chuck of it that I was under anesthesia or doped up on a huge dose of morphine. March, 2013 - I have a lot of different feelings on me being "in treatment" for a full year. I don't want to dread March 15 for the rest of my life so I decided that we were going to have a lot of fun for the days surrounding March 15. I had dinner with girlfriends on Thursday. On Friday, I swam the longest swim I have done since January 2012, had a great dinner with my husband, and went to see some new friends. On Saturday, I RACED!!! I mean, full out race pace, want to puke at the end because I'm running at my race pace, RACED!! Runnin' of the Green - a race I couldn't do last year. I broke 40 (39:56) which is fantastic for a girl still in cancer treatment. The last time I did the race in 2011 I finished in 38:22 (my fastest time ever) so I think this is pretty exciting. I forgot how horribly wonderful race pace feels - almost like being beaten up by a bat and running. IT WAS AMAZING!!! Joe and I then had a ton of fun with our St. Patrick's Day celebration. I still have mixed feelings on this day. I said that cancer could have 1 year of my life and I still have 6 weeks left and one surgery in August. I get angry that I still have to go to treatment 1 year later. Although I love seeing my oncology nurses each week - I would prefer seeing them in a more social setting than when I am being infused with chemicals. That really bothers me. Cancer has given me things though too. I have met people who I would never have met if I had not been diagnosed with cancer. These people are great friends that understand me and things that I love including running! I have made connections that have made me a better person. I have inherited an internal drive that I feel like is on super speed. If I want something, I will make it happen. I know I am strong - there is no question in my mind of this after all I have been through. I have less stress in my life - surprisingly - but it is true because I know nothing is really worth that much stress. I love my husband more and more everyday because of all he is and all he has done for me. I have had so many funny things happen to me over the last year too. People can say some really stupid things to people with cancer. I have questions that I do not have answers to, and that is ok! I do not always need a plan anymore, although I will say that I would much prefer one - cancer didn't really change that about me! I must admit that although it has been a tough year that has changed me, I think I am a better person for it. So, we count down to the end of cancer treatments. After April 30, I will have some free time on my hands and after the end of September I will have a life ahead of me that does not include time off for cancer. So, technically 6 weeks until cancer treatments end and 23 weeks until my last surgery. 27 weeks until I am truly done!!!