Ironman Mont Tremblant 70.3

I have had a very exciting few months leading up to this race. Training for Ironman has been time consuming, exhausting, painful, mentally challenging, and rewarding. I have PRed in the BAA 5K in April running a 27:05. I PRed in the half marathon at the Vermont City Marathon Relay by running a 2:10.21 which is 6 min faster than my previous PR. I have been working really hard to make sure that I am ready for the Lake Placid Ironman. I am obviously invested and training well because I am having mini-meltdowns about training and freaking out about biking and putting together a proper race day nutrition plan. As part of our training, Joe and I signed up for Ironman Mont Tremblant 70.3 after spending a couple days there last summer and not having a very good time training (that sounds like a ridiculous idea but welcome to my ridiculous life). The week before leaving, I had a difficult long ride where I got a flat, had a nice Canadian change it for me, and the last hour ended up being cold and wet. Actually it was so cold that I couldn't feel my hands or feet and a guy from the Rye Tri Club was so worried he got back to his car and was coming to get me! He found me at my car trying to get my bike back on the car. Then the next day my pedals broke. I had a new pair put on and my knee ended up bothering me. I have also been struggling with an ab strain that I just can't seem to get a handle on. I started to freak out about the race the entire week before the race. I was freaking out about even making the bike cut off at Ironman Lake Placid. I started thinking that maybe I was too hasty in signing up for an Ironman that was only a year and three months since my last cancer treatment - maybe I wasn't improving quickly enough for this very big event. 140.6 is very daunting to me - it was the first 2 times, and it continues to be now. We travel to Mont Tremblant on Friday. When we got there and went to check in, I noticed how fit and fast everyone looked. I started freaking out that I wasn't going to finish. (Welcome to my pre-Ironman jitters!!) My fears were not helped when I went for a run where I was passed by extremely fast people - men and women alike - and my knees were still really bothering me. Saturday, I ended up not feeling very well. My eyes hurt. My knees hurt. I was exhausted. I actually took 2 naps just because I was exhausted. Sunday, I woke up and was extremely nervous. I realized that I wanted to go into it with no expectations but I just can't figure out how to let go of my expectations and just have a great time out there. I am working harder than I have ever worked and I want my results to show how hard I am working. I had a mini-meltdown in a porta potty before putting my wetsuit on when they played "Beautiful Day" by U2 - all you Ironmen know how this song is important to Ironman starts. I was freaked out about the swim and the swim start - my first race swim of the season. I was trying to just calm down and just couldn't figure it out. Joe kept telling me "It is just a long training day." I tried to believe him. Then the swim went off! The swim started well. I had great lines to the bouys. The water was great. It wasn't choppy. I had space. Then it changed. The fast people in the wave behind me also had my great line and ran into me. I was catching the slower swimmers in front of me. The people around me couldn't figure out how to swim in a straight line. I was getting hit and grabbed. I would be fighting for space then try to pick up the pace, find some space and settle in, just to do it all again. I was surprised by how much contact there was in the swim. The swim felt like it took forever. 44:35 - not so bad. I was happy to be out of the water and heading to the bike. The Transition zone was sooooooo long but there were wetsuit peelers aka strippers - that made me happy. I just kept running after having been stripped of my wetsuit. The fun of this was hearing "Bravo" and "Allez! Allez! Allez!" from all of the French Canadian spectators. It was great! I ran by Joe's bike and noticed that he was already gone. This means that he swam pretty well and passed me in the water! He was probably one of the people who hit me! I thought "Go Joe Go!" When I got to my bike I put on tons of sunscreen because I knew it was not shaded at all on the highway that awaited me and it was extremely sunny! I ate a potato and headed out! I spent 7:05 running to transition and in transition. The bike goal was to feel comfortable the entire way, nail down some nutritional strategy, and feel like I could run off of the bike. I actually enjoyed the bike. I had gone for a ride on the course when we visited Mont Tremblant last August so I understood the different parts of the course and knew where I wanted to hold back and why. The first part was all about fueling and the last 15K was all about riding hills in an intelligent manner. I think I did that. I was happy on the bike the entire time. I fueled not exactly perfectly but I learned a lot about what I think I need to do and what needed to change. It wasn't my fastest 70.3 bike but it wasn't horrible either. I thought it was a reasonable course and enjoyed seeing everyone riding on the out-and-backs and loved the aid station volunteers - they were so excited and amazing! 3:59:29 was my final time. I would have liked it to be faster but I felt great after the bike so I think I succeeded. Transition was better this time. Again, I put sunscreen on because it was sunny and I really couldn't deal with sunburn. I ended up with a 3:38 T2. The run started and I was smiling and felt light on my feet. The spectators were excited about everyone! Mont Tremblant loves cheering for Ironman competitors. Immediately I was trying to find my pace. What I forgot was that we were in Canada and the race was measured in kilometers! I don't know my pace per kilometer and I couldn't do math at this stage in the race. I wanted to go out more slowly because I knew the first 5K was rolling hills and then it is slightly downhill to the end of the bike path and slightly uphill back to the old village and rolling hills the last 5K. I went out too fast. I had no idea how fast I was going. I was trying to figure out what pace I should have been running but, again, I couldn't do math. At 15K, I started to slow. I was just rolling along and felt fantastic. Then, I was just running and counting down the last 6K. The last 2 hills were extremely difficult but I pushed through them. I found Joe just before we entered the pedestrian village and I had nothing left. The downhill finish started right around there and the crowds yelling in French were amazing. The finish line was great. I finished to fireworks! I had no idea how fast my half marathon was at this point but I figured it out the next day - 2:17.16 which is just wonderful for me! My total time was 7:12.03. More importantly, I finished thinking that I am actually going to be able to finish Ironman. I also would love another attempt at this course. It is close to where I was in 2009 when I did my first Ironman and I think this course was more challenging than the course I did then and I was only a couple of seconds off of my time there. It was 6 min slower than my fastest 70.3 in 2010 but I felt better after this one than I did after the 2009 and 2010 70.3s. Which means I can get back to training more quickly than I was able to before. More importantly, I have improved in the swim, bike, and run since last August when I did Rev3 Main Old Orchard Beach. I took 27 min off of my overall time since then. Not bad for less than a year between the two events. I love that my body is improving every day. Mont Tremblant and Ironman put on a great event. It was phenomenal. When I found Joe at the end he was excited for me but then he told me his time (4:38)! This time was beyond what we expected from the day for him! It was a great surprise. The biggest surprise came when we found out he qualified for the Ironman 70.3 World Championships in September back in Mont Tremblant. This made our weekend! I couldn't be more proud of my super speedy husband and all of his efforts. He is having a phenomenal year: Boston marathon (PR, re-qualified for 2015), 70.3 PR and qualification, next up Ironman Lake Placid, and then the 70.3 Ironman World Championships! This is an awesome, amazing and I am just so happy to be with him through it all!

A letter to cancer

On February 13, 2012, I was given a cancer diagnosis. In that moment I was forced to say (in the words of Barney Stinson of How I Met Your Mother)"Challenge accepted!" I was forced to fight for my life. And I did. I do not wish this happened to me but it has. As I approached this date 2 years later, I was struggling with how I felt about this day, what it did to my life, and I decided to write a letter to cancer to tell it what I feel. Here it goes. Dear Cancer, Thank you! I know that this sounds weird but thank you. You tried to take things away from me but instead you gave me a more complete outlook on life. You tried to make me weak but you failed. Instead you made me stronger. I said I gave you a year of my life but I lied. I gave you 11 weeks and then I fought really hard to run and bike throughout treatment and once chemo was over, I trained for a marathon. Then I trained for a 70.3 triathlon. I did more training in 2013 than I did in 2011 (see stats below). And now I'm training for an Ironman. And after that, it just gets bigger and better. You gave me two mantras that motivate me beyond every possible excuse my mind could imagine - "I've been through worse" and "All I wanted was to do this during treatment so get your f#@*ing ass in gear." You tried to give me excuses but I refused to allow for that to happen - I don't have an excuse, as Scott Jurek said in his book Eat and Run, "Sometimes you just do things." You tried to break me down but instead I grew stronger. I am stronger mentally and physically than I was prior to my diagnosis and I LOVE it! You thought you took away my confidence in my body image but you didn't. I am happier with how I look today, scars and all, than I did the day I was told you were trying to wreak havoc on my life. I've also lost all the weight I put on while trying to defeat you and now weight less than I did before you came into my life. You tried to take away my competitive edge but you couldn't. I am a fighter and I wouldn't allow you to take it away. I still may not be fast but I want that finish line of races more than I've ever wanted it before and I am working harder than I've ever worked before to get there. Not only that, but now I have a team and a coach that expect great things from me - nothing can stand in my way, not even you! You tried to take away my joy for living but I wouldn't let that happen. I make sure I do everything in my day to make me happy. I love my life. I can honestly say that even with cancer in my life in my 30's, these have been my favorite years. You tried to take away opportunities that would make my life more full but you failed. I've actually had more opportunities come my way post cancer than I did pre-cancer because I am more open to opportunities that present themselves to me. I have met wonderful people through this that I wouldn't have met before. I was asked to "star" in a commercial which was just a blast and a half to be a part of. You tried to make me scared but you didn't. I understand the concept of living one day at a time but that means I live each day like it is my last and I make sure to enjoy every moment I spend with my handsome and incredible husband, my family, and my friends. I'm not afraid. I am determined to be amazing. I am a ROCK STAR!!! So in closing, THANK YOU! You helped to stoke the fire inside of me to be the best possible me that I could be. I am not angry that you entered my life. I am joyful to have defeated you. You should have known that I was a badass chick with huge expectations from myself. Thank you for driving me forward to look at my dreams and not be afraid to pursue them. Thank you for reminding me that I want more than mediocre. I chose and choose to DANCE and I do that on a daily basis. Or more appropriately I chose and choose to SWIM, BIKE, RUN, and LOVE! This is what STRENGTH and PERSISTENCE looks like. This is just a reminder of who not to pick on in the future.

Thank you! * Stats from February 6, 2013 to December 31, 2013 not including the first two weeks of September after my port removal surgery: Swim: 55 miles in 37 hrs 27 min Bike: 1429.82 miles in 113 hrs 44 min Run: 528.23 miles in 99 hrs 50 min Race: 102.88 miles in 18 hrs 18 min

Vermont City Marathon 2013

Instead of doing a traditional race report I decided to do a list of things I learned during the Vermont City Marathon! So, here it goes: 1. Marathons hurt and I remembered how strong I am when I just kept trucking especially while running into a head wind with rain pelting your face. 2. I went out too fast. If you are a former athlete of mine reading this, you will be laughing since all I used to tell you is "Don't go out too fast". I should take my own advice. 3. I love my running mantras. I employed all of them over and over again. Especially the one "If I'm smiling, it doesn't hurt that badly!" 4. I love the feeling of a finish line! There is nothing like it. 5. I have great friends and family who cheered me on while watching the race in Burlington, while waiting for texts from my husband to see how I was doing, while running the marathon and yelling to me when they saw me, and who decorated my house in celebration of my accomplishment. 6. I am capable of dealing with a lot of nasty weather (rain, wind, 41 degrees) for a long time (5 hrs and 11 min of it to be exact). 7. I loved every minute of every mile of the race and can't wait to do it again! 6 marathons complete, 5 states down, 45 plus DC to go! But I think I'll do an Ironman before I get to the 7th! 7. The last and most important: This wasn't about cancer and conquering cancer when I finally hit the starting line. This was about me being back in the place where I belonged. Where I fit in. I'm BACK!

DONE

I am officially done with cancer treatments! I am extremely excited! April 30 will have a very exciting meaning for a long time. It is the first day of the rest of my life. I decided a celebration was in order. What does that mean to me? It was an 1800 yard swim before work, an 8.88 mile bike ride, followed by a 2 mile run. This was my first brick workout since August 2011 (I think). Why did I decide to do this? Because I can. I was really excited to see a bald eagle on the run as well. It was fantastic. I am not usually a person who believes in symbolic things but I just thought that this was really cool. The symbol of our nations freedom. The bird that was almost extinct and made a comeback was just flying by as I was running my first brick since 2011. Wow! I am also super excited that my marathon training is at its peak for the last treatment. I am doing a 20 miler this weekend and then I am running a marathon May 26th!!! Wow!! I'm extremely excited and fueled internally by a fire that just gets bigger everyday! What a way to celebrate me being alive!! Here's to my freedom, my rebirth, and my comeback!!! April stats are fantastic too!!! Swim: 5.22 miles in 3 hrs 31 min Bike: 165.55 miles in 13 hrs 33 min Run: 106.02 miles in 19 hrs 57 min Total: 276.79 miles in 37 hrs 01 min (not bad for a chick that was going through cancer treatments)

3 to go

I am in all regards "back to normal" except that I am still in treatment once a week. I love that I am training again. I love that I am seeing muscles come back that I haven't seen in a while. I love that my body is responding to training again. I love that I feel better every day. The past few weeks I have started to be resentful of my time in the treatment room, in that chair. I lose 2 hrs each and every week at least to driving to and from an appointment and sitting in a chair and having chemicals pumped into my body. As the weather is getting better and my training intensifying, I am getting more antsy about giving up my time to sit in a chair and have chemicals pumped into my body. I would rather be outside on my bike. I would rather be doing work at school so that I can get out and take a run without wondering when I can get it accomplished. I resent that place for taking my time away from me. I resent cancer for allowing this to happen to me. I feel like my body is repaying me in some ways by allowing me train for 10 hrs a week but I am still not done with cancer treatment. I know that I am doing this to make sure that I have fought cancer and won. But I really just want my life back. I don't blame my oncology nurses for this. They are fantastic. They are the only reason I can endure the time there without really being resentful. Today just was even more irritating because it was beautiful outside and all I wanted to do was go outside and run and I had not only an infusion but also a doctors appointment. There was a 3 hr time suck from my day with 2 hrs at the office and 1 hr of driving time. I have over the past several years made it a priority to not have doctors appointments during the spring or the summer because of my training schedule. Cancer has changed that but I will ultimately get control back soon. So, I have three weeks left. Then if you need me on a Tuesday afternoon, you can be assured I will be doing something challenging and fun, not sitting in a chair!