Stitches are out!

Most of my stitches came out today!! Only three in the front are still there. I knew I was healing really well all of a sudden because a couple of the stitches were becoming embedded in my skin and I was watching my skin grow around them daily. It was the scariest thing because I knew they needed to come out and knew it would probably be painful to get those out. It wasn't as painful as I thought though. I did ask why I was suddenly healing appropriately and my doctor had said the body does strange things sometimes. This means tomorrow is the big day. Chemo starts with carboplatin, taxotere, and herceptin. We will soon see how chemo is going to effect me. The interesting thing is that I know everyone thinks it will effect me immediately but after talking with the nurses and my oncologist, most of the side effects will be two to three days later when some of the medications they give me wears off. This week will be an interesting one though. I have chemo tomorrow. I have to get a neulasta injection on Wednesday to make sure my white blood cells stay high during the next three weeks. I have to stop by and get the bib numbers for the corporate challenge too. Then we have the corporate challenge on Thursday - which I am planning on walking if I feel up to it. I like that I have things planned but can opt out if necessary from some of them. It makes it easier to feel normal during this process. On a side note, I asked for a tentative run start date and I was told 2 weeks!!! I can't wait. People don't realize that I remember how it feels to start running, I did that in 2001 and it sucked. I never wanted to ever get back to that point. Now I will be excited to do 1/4 mile and oh boy will it be slow! It will be awesome any way you look at it!

I'm on the bike

Yesterday marked 8 weeks post surgery and 25 doctors appointments since February 1. As a celebration of how far I've come, I asked my husband to put my bike on my trainer and I road for the first time since March 14! I only road for 10 minutes but I missed it very much! I also realized how extremely out of shape I am. It will be a long road back to marathon/Ironman shape. I do have to be careful not to extend my reach too far and hurt my stitches but I enjoyed the experience. I can't quite put my hands on my handle bars completely but I can use my aerobar arm pads to keep me up a little higher. I liked the challenge of it so much, I got back on today and I would spend 30 seconds on the handle bars then up on the aerobar pads. No aero position for me yet. Maybe I can do more tomorrow and then add on 5 minutes next week! I can't wait for the pain associated with my first run which is coming soon! I know it will be difficult going through chemo and starting to run and bike again but I can't wait for that challenge.

One more week

The good news: I am healing. On the outside, everything is closed. He attempted to remove a stitch and said that they are too involved in the healing matrix to take them out and expect the incision to stay closed. So, in the stitches stay until...maybe next week? He also commented that although I am worried about my range of motion (I'm worried that I won't recover all of my motion completely and it will have a negative impact on my swimming), I am doing extremely well with my movement. The bad news: I am healing at sloth speed. I guess this isn't surprising. I did 2 Ironman Lake Placid's in 16 hrs 24 min and 16 hrs 9 min with only a 10 minute cushion between the when I finished the bike and the bike cutoff time. I always said it was because I was getting my money's worth out on the course! Now, I guess I'm getting my money's worth out of my surgeon. I need to convince my body that this isn't the way to do things anymore in both healing and Ironman. The good news: We have a new method of dealing with my stitches which is more involved but should speed healing. I have lots of gauze, betadine, and paper tape in my future. The bad news: I can't start chemo tomorrow. I need to show more progress in healing to start chemo which will stop or slow the healing process. The good news: I can go trap shooting this weekend without any concerns for feeling tired or getting sick! I can watch a couple more softball and t-ball games for my nieces and nephew. I can help celebrate J's birthday and go to a Clown's on Rounds event without worry of how I will feel. I think I will also be able to go to Lila, Kaelah, and Sierra's exploration fair at their school. Other news: I still cannot run but we discussed a not so far removed run start date. I just need to heal some more. My concern is that I have been not running for 8 weeks this Wednesday and I am going to start running again while I am starting chemo - this sounds like a recipe for disaster. I may attempt to get on my bike on the trainer this week and just keep my upper body as non-weight bearing on my handle bars as I possibly can - this was discussed with some acknowledgement that it isn't a horrible idea. My doctor didn't use the words yes or no so I'll take that as a "you can try". I better run or bike until the day I die 50 to 60 yrs from now because I will try my hardest to never go this long without a run or bike ride - I am going crazy without it. Based on my lack of running, I have to cancel my Lake Placid Marathon registration for June and Boilermaker is on the chopping block. Due to my lack of normal exercise and my increase in meat intake to help with healing, my ankylosing spondylitis is flaring up though so my toes, fingers, back, and hips are all really painful. This is making it harder for me to sit still/not run. I had a couple of difficult moments this week too. My niece Sierra finished her softball game and came running over toward me to give me a hug. She stopped mid-stride, turned to my mom and asked in a hushed tone "Can I hug Kelly?" I wanted to cry. It made me so sad. I don't want them to see me as broken and they do. She did come over and give me a gentle hug but it wasn't what she normally would have done and I would have picked her up normally too. Lila was so excited to ask me to go to her school and help with a cow eye dissection but it is next Tuesday and I had to say no. I would have loved to go, although the thought of 6th graders with scalpels is petrifying to me. I barely trust my 10th graders to use them appropriately. I have learned that I hate walking. It is not running which is what I really want to do. I realize that I am doing much more than most people would be doing just in my everyday movements/walking around to do things but I'm not like everyone else - I'm an Ironman. We don't get excitement out of just walking. I did decide that I will be back on my bike by June 2. I asked my doctor about this and he said he sees that being later than he would think which is uplifting. So, May 15 is my new chemo start date. Positive healing thoughts all week long and some light gardening - that should help me out too!

Sabbatical denied, back to the financial drawing board

My original plan for the next year of cancer treatments was to get a sabbatical from my school which would give me some money while I was at home doing research on cancer, increasing my scientific knowledge, and writing a book on my experiences so that I could maintain somewhat of our standard of living while still having work to do and having time to do it. Honestly, it would have allowed us to pay our bills and that is about it. I had planned on applying for a sabbatical at some point in the next few years but the situation I am in prompted me to apply earlier than I had planned. I was denied my sabbatical. So, now I'm back to square one and extremely stressed about this. I am not independently wealthy and although people are raising money in my name, I don't know if it will be enough. I need to make some money next year but due to my treatment plan I am unsure that I will be able to do my job. So, I am applying for social security disability which will most likely be denied because my cancer isn't advanced enough (crazy isn't it). But while I wait on SSDI, I am currently in the market for a part time job in the Schenectady area - I don't want to have to travel far and spend gas money to get to a part time position. I am also very interested in a work from home option. I would prefer not to work in teaching if I was to change jobs for a year because teaching is extremely stressful and developing new curriculum is really difficult - the first year of teaching or the first year of teaching in a new school district is always the hardest for a reason. After the last few weeks of complications and healing, I know I am limited in what I am capable of doing. The sabbatical situation would have been perfect. I could plan to have my treatments every Tuesday and then be able to schedule my scans and my follow-up appointments for the times I needed. Plus, I could have done work, take a nap which would help with healing, and then go for a walk (hopefully short runs, bike, or swim) when I felt up to it. Well, cancer sucks and the stresses associated with it are horrible as well. I am trying to stay positive and continue healing so I need to breath and have hope that all will work out.

Healing!

I have begun getting nervous about appointments again after the last 4 appointments. Today went really well though. I had my bandages taken off, I was told it looks like I am healing well again. There was no talk of more stitches because everything looks like it's healing correctly right now. Honestly, there aren't many more areas that I could have more stitches though. I cannot look at the stitches but I trust my doctor in saying it looks good. I know these stitches will make my scar a little bigger but I don't care. I just want to heal. Who is really going to look at my chest other than me and my husband ever anyway? We re-bandaged so that I could continue to take regular showers and they seem to heal better when they are covered. This also means less maintenance for me. He also said I need to use my arms and maintain my former posture because I haven't been doing that in order to protect my incisions. So, we keep thinking positive thoughts, visualizing my healing and appropriate mitosis, and maintaining my vitamin C and protein intake to keep healing. Because of my lack of healing over the past few weeks, we (both doctors and myself) decided to start chemo next week on Tuesday to give me a little more healing time. My year long countdown starts next Tuesday!