Self Doubt and my first century ride

This weekend was the first weekend up in Keene Valley. Usually that is a great thing. This weekend was interesting though. We got to the camp on Friday night after stopping in Lake George at a Mexican restaurant. We made an early night of it because of the century ride on Saturday. We got into bed and I smelled something mildewy but thought it was just my crazy sense of smell and went to bed. By the time I woke up in the morning, my throat was scratchy but I wasn't too concerned with that because I had a 100 mile bike ride to do. We got up at the normal hour of 6:15 am, got ready, and left the camp. We got to the Price Chopper in Lake Placid where we were dropping off our car and then heading down to the start place. We got to the start where we learned that they called it the HILLY 100 and found out that it was actually 103.8 miles. Mentally, I was concerned but was excited to get out on some hills. We started and everyone was immediately a long way ahead, oh, and by the way, we started uphill. The first 19 miles were on the Ironman course - a part that I haven't been able to ride before. It was so nice to go on that part and experience the hill and then descending the hills (so much fun). As I was going down the hill, I noticed a thumping noise/feeling everytime I hit the breaks. I couldn't figure out what was happening. I got to the first aid station and had some oranges, cookies, and pretzels - I love long distance biking since I get to eat all day long when I do it. I left and got to my parents camp where I filled my water bottle and had my dad look at my break but couldn't figure out what was wrong. I left and headed up the hill to Chapel Pond and then to Elizabethtown where I was looking forward to my second rest stop. On the way to Elizabethtown, I ended up being run after by 2 dogs. I couldn't believe this was happening again. I yelled at the dog and crossed the street - it didn't follow. I kept looking for the rest stop and I couldn't find it. Joe later told me that after he left the rest stop, he saw the person manning the station pack everything up and drive past him on the course, so there was no rest stop for me because I was so far back. I thought I missed it and was confused about where I was so I stopped to ask a resident if they road I was looking for was coming up and as I was asking, the SAG vehicle found me and showed me the way and let me get food from the truck. I had done 40 miles by myself at this point. I kept going and that is when I saw it - the biggest f-ing hill I have ever seen in my entire life. I averaged about 3 mph up this thing while I was breathing as hard as I possibly could. It was a beast. I made it though and went down the hill to the road that connects Keene and Elizabethtown where we started a 4 mile long climb which was gradual but was where my legs just stopped working on the hills. I was now having problems staying in my middle gears because the chain kept sliding down when I was in the middle area of my gears. Still thumping when I was breaking too. Once on the other side of the hill (and enjoying the descending too much) I headed to the next rest stop at mile 60ish. I got on the road to Jay which was great and also a part of the Ironman course and looked for the rest station. I didn't find it. It wasn't there. 60+ miles alone on a bike at this point. I stopped once I got to the turn and ate my sandwhich and stretched. Rode up a massive hill on Trumble Hill Road and then another wall of a hill. Felt like I wanted to stop but I really wanted to do 75 miles so I kept going. I got to another road and got chased by another dog - why don't people keep their dogs on leashes or have fences??? I don't enjoy getting chased by dogs. The SAG vehicle went by and really wanted me to say I was done but I said no. I got to mile 75 and had some cramping in my left calf so I made the decision to get off my bike every 5 miles until the end in order to keep myself from cramping up too much. That worked for a little while. I got to the last aid station and got told that I was way back from the others and that they thought that I was the last person but at least I got food. I remounted the bike for the last 14 miles and immediately started uphill - at this point all hills were tough but flats were ok. I was averaging 4mph on the hills which is really bad. After 4 miles on the bike, I had gotten a text from Joe and called him. I was at my breaking point. I just didn't see how I could continue and make it back. He told me that I was close and I hung up on him - I was almost in tears at this point and frustrated by my bike problems. I got back on my bike though and thankfully I hit a short downhill and knew the rest of the course pretty well. There were a couple of hills but they were nothing compared to the other hills I had already done. I finally got back to the starting point where I finally got off my bike where no one remained because I was so much slower than everyone else. (We had expected this because Lake Placid is known for its good cyclists and triathletes) I drank a coke, ate some pasta salad, and then quickly packed everything away in order to get my bike down to Placid Planet to have it fixed. At the end of the ride, I was convinced that this was the worst ride I could have done for my confidence. I was doubting my ability to complete the Ironman course in the amount of time I needed to do it in. I was convinced that I couldn't finish Ironman at all. I was a mental case. I am glad that I did the ride though because I will probably never see hills like that again and if I could do those hills, I can do any hill. Plus, it was good training. I have spent the last 2 days convincing myself that I can do Ironman though because the course isn't half as bad as what I did on Saturday. I am looking forward to my next 100 miler because it has to be better than that one was and it is Tour de Cure with great rest stops and lots of help if you need it and hopefully it will be a self esteem booster. I just want my confidence back though - it isn't quite there yet.

Placid Planet looked at my bike and figured out that I had warped my tire when I got my flat last week - one flat in six years and I break my wheel. $300 later and I have new wheels for my bike which can now allow me to break appropriately. I also had my bike tuned up so that it wouldn't slip in and out of gears. Yippie! I got to spend more money on my bike - not what I had planned on using my money on.

Slept on Saturday night and was not feeling well. Woke up on Sunday feeling horrible. Took a 3 hour nap because I was feeling so badly. I went back to sleep for about an hour later in the day too because of how I was feeling. Went to bed and slept ok. Woke up today and felt better than I did Sunday night but still really bad. Went to pick up my bike and go for a run on River Road in Lake Placid. Felt ok on my run considering how I was feeling - acutally my nose cleared on my run so I felt better. As soon as I stopped, I was stuffy again and then my lungs started to hurt. This is where I am now. Feeling horrible because of allergies. Really between the mildew and the huge amounts of pollen in the Adirondacks, I just got hammered from both angles. Now I am just trying to feel better. Hopefully, I can recover fully by tomorrow.

So, this week is an easy workout week but I have the Coldplay concert on Wednesday night, a school event on Friday night, and Freihoffers on Saturday. Then 4 hard weeks in a row then 1 easy week, 1 hard week,and then I taper. Ironman is almost here. I keep telling myself "I think I can! I think I can!" but I am feeling more like "I hope I can!" I need to get to "I know I will" in the next two weeks. Why can't I be more mentally stable when it comes to endurance activities and stop doubting myself. I am normally much more confident in myself but when it comes to triathlon I doubt myself all of the time.