My 1st 5K post cancer treatments

I did a 5K today! My husband and my father were going to do the race. We asked my niece Lila if she wanted to run with me as this would be the only opportunity for me to run with her and want to take my time. We anticipated her wanting to do a lot of walking during the race so it would be perfect for us to get her into a 5K. She was unsure if she wanted to do the race last night but said she was going to do it. We woke up this morning and I gave her an option of not doing it and she looked at me and said "I want to do this!" Off we went to sign up. (I am loving race day registration this year.) We got on the starting line and she was next to me. We started together and she turned to me and said "Go faster Kelly!" I told her I couldn't but that she could go ahead without me. And she did! Within 100 meters of the start she was on her own! She had her grandfather in her sites though and she wanted to run with him when she couldn't run with me. She ended up running a 35 min 5K which is pretty impressive considering that she is 11, the longest she has ever run is 1 mile at a time, and we went for a 7.5 mile bike ride the day before! She did remind me at the end of the race that she beat me too! I am so proud of her! I also realized that I have done a great job not allowing my nieces and nephews to see me as sick. She just left me and wasn't concerned that I couldn't do this - in her mind, this was my normal thing to do. She has been complaining that I am really slow and should go faster on the bike and run. Joe has been telling her to remember these days when she can beat me because it will be a different story next summer. I am actually hoping she can keep up - I would love to bring her on longer rides and have a running partner when she is around! That would make me happy. I had not run more than 1.5 miles with the strategy of run 1/2 mile then walk until I get my breathing under control then run 1/2 mile before today. Today I ran 0.7 miles then walked 0.3 miles, then ran 0.7 miles then walked 0.12 miles then RAN the rest! I got to a point where my legs finally moved like they were running and I felt the tightness in my calves go away. I was actually running! I have been complaining that I am experiencing the same things I felt when I was a beginner runner. I can't remember how I dealt with them back in 2001 but I am mentally much stronger now and know what it feels like to be in great shape so I will work through these tightness issues with the knowledge that I can get back into great shape if I just keep at it. This knowledge that I know what I am capable of gives me an edge that most people don't have so I am very fortunate in that area. Today, I was not fast. The run was not pretty but I was just running. It really reminded me of a late stage Ironman marathon shuffle but it was not an Ironman, it was a 5K! I can tell you that in my past long distance athletic career, I hated 5Ks. They were too fast for me - it hurt the entire time because you had to push hard from start to finish. I hate that I have to be a beginner again and I am nowhere near where I want to be in the pack. I hated my pace. I hated that I was third from last at the finish. BUT... I am so very excited to know that I could/can do this! I questioned my abilities like I have done 7 other times (marathons and Ironmans) and numerous times in the late stages of 1/2 marathons while pushing my pace - "Can I do this?" But it came down to me mentally saying to myself "Yes, you can!" I went over how much this meant to me. I went over how this was easier than recovering from surgery and going through chemo. I went over the mantra I use in Ironman "Just keep moving forward". I knew how much I loved that I was doing this and that this meant that I was on my road to the hangover half on New Years Day which I was questioning as of last Wednesday. I know that I am on my way to my 70.3 next year and my 140.6 in 2014! This day means so much to me and I am very proud of myself! I feel dangerous right now because I feel like I can do anything I put my mind and heart into and I love this feeling! I am on my road forward to the time where cancer is in my past and I am getting back to my old life! This is how much running means to me. Running links me to what I was before and I haven't been involved in that world since March 14th. I am glad to have done this race where no one knew I had cancer and I could just slog it out but it made me realize how excited I am to get back into the racing world and see my friends out on the run instead of seeing them after they have finished. I get to participate again and I am excited! Although I am still working on kicking cancers ass through Herceptin weekly treatments, I am running again! Here I come!

Learning from my students

I am in a situation where I went back to work, everyone knows I had cancer, everyone knows I had surgery, everyone knows I had chemo and am still getting treatments once a week, I have no hair, and I am a little bigger than I was before I left in March. This lack of hair has only been a "problem" for little children all summer long and they don't know enough not to stare which I am perfectly fine with. When I returned home from living in the Adirondacks, this was the first time that I had issues with people staring at me. I went to Target and Price Chopper twice and had adults stop in the middle of the store and actually stare at me and follow me. They allowed their children to scream out in the middle of the store "That girl has no hair" and did nothing to repremand or inform them that this was inappropriate but just turned and looked at me. I really wanted to yell at them for being extremely rude and inappropriate but I didn't. It was not fun though. I was not having a good day both of these times and I really wanted to hide in a corner and ask my husband to come and get me. But I didn't. I just kept shopping. This was the first time I was concerned about working with my students with all of these changes in me. My niece Lila (11 yrs old) pointed out that people were staring at me when we were out once and she asked "Don't they know it's rude to look at people like that?" I told her that some people have no manners and it was ok but she was very unhappy about this situation. I hoped this would be the reaction my students would have to me. I knew I needed to make sure my students knew I was ok and that life was moving forward and they could interact with me as they normally would. After my Target/Price Chopper experiece I was worried about how they would react to me. I went back to work 3 weeks ago and I can say that my students have been fantastic! They do not stare at all. They treat me as if I was the same person that I was before I left in March. I am so happy that my students are adult enough to treat me with respect. I wish all people out there who make fun of or stop and stare at people with "differences" would learn from my students and know that this is not how we act. I am in no way suggesting that my students are adult in all other ways - they are typical teenagers - but right now, they make me very happy in the way they are reacting to me. They are also learning that it is ok to joke around with me about my lack of hair - I pointed out how I don't know how the boys have crew cuts, don't their heads and necks get really cold, and there was a pause before they responded and laughed. I appreciated this. They are learning that I want to laugh through this because otherwise how would life be this much fun! I am thankful for them. I am proud of them! I am glad I am their teacher! On another note: Good news: my platelets are up and I am running again (actually it is a run/walk but I am doing it). I am up to 1.5 miles and, although it is slow, I am so happy to be running in the beautiful fall weather. Bad news: My white blood cells, red blood cells, and hemoglobin counts went down last week. My bone marrow just isn't keeping up yet. But it will! It can only get better from here.

143 days

Last Monday I went for a bike ride with my niece and felt immediately like I was going anaerobic, every muscle burned, I couldn't breathe. It was the worst ride of my life. I was in granny gear the entire time and felt like I was still trying too hard. I knew there was something very wrong on that ride. The next day I had my Herceptin treatment and found out that my RBC count was 2.58 million where the low end of normal is 3.8 million and my hemoglobin levels were 8.8 g/dl where the low end of normal is 11.9 g/dl. These numbers were the reason for me feeling horrible. I decided to give myself a week to heal without pushing my biking especially since I went back to work. I have been feeling really great though the past two days so I decided to get on my bike and just try to see how it felt. It felt great. I didn't really push too much but I also was not really out of breathe either. I am looking forward to seeing what my blood work shows this week and I am really excited that I am going to see it edge closer and closer toward normal every week from here on out since I am done with chemo! I am really happy about being done and becoming me again. On my bike ride today I was thinking about training - I miss having a training plan so much. I have been given a fabulous gift because of my friends Sarah and Jeremiah. I have been given an entry into Rev3 Old Orchard Beach 70.3 triathlon for next August. The people at Rev3 and Sarah and Jeremiah are allowing me to do something that means a lot to me and I am so grateful. I had been worried about how I can go from zero training to a 70.3 in one year but on my bike today I realized how I can do it. Starting tomorrow, September 10, I have 143 days until February 1. February 1 is the first day of my training for the race. This gives me 143 days to get back into a basic workout/triathlon shape, lose the weight I put on during chemo, and get myself able to swim and run with my new body. Then starting on Feb 1st will give me 6 months and 1 week to train for the race and 2 weeks to taper for the race. Starting on February 1st is also significant becasue that was the day I found out that I had something wrong with me - my doctor felt the benign lump in my breast that day which ultimately lead to my mammogram and my cancer diagnosis. February 1st is also my husbands birthday. I know that February 1st saved my life last year but I want to make February 1st show that I am really alive through starting my training plan! What a way to show cancer who's boss! So, this is the plan and I am more than excited about it! I have dreams of crossing the finish line of a 70.3 and a 140.6 again and it is the most amazing feeling in my dream. I can't wait to cherish that finish line again next summer. I also want to say that I went back to work this week. I was petrified to do this. I knew I needed some "normal" but wasn't sure how this would go. I wasn't sure how my students would react to me. I wasn't sure how my coworkers would respond to me. I can say that I am extremely happy to be back in the classroom. We haven't talked about cancer at all but I'm sure it will come up at some point and that is ok. I hope that I can show them that you have an option everyday of your life to get up and try or you can decide not to participate in life. Like the song says - I hope they dance! I do almost everyday and it puts a smile on my face. I hope I can teach them not only science but to be happy because life is good. Even when the situation that you are in is less than positive, there are so many things to be happy and grateful for and life is too short to be angry all of the time. I hope they learn to do positive things that make them happy. Even with all of the crazy new state mandates, I am thrilled to be back at work!

Last Chemo Treatment and Back to Work

Tuesday, August 28th was my last chemo treatment. Yippie! I was so excited to have it done that I was convinced the nausea, the feeling of exhaustion would be better this time. It was better in that I knew I would feel better soon but it really sucked. I'm finally on the upward swing of this and I know it will just continue to get better which makes me really happy. August 28th will always mean to me the end of chemo and one year earlier Hurricane Irene which damaged the place I love the most - Keene Valley. On both occasions though, I have left that day with a great feeling of community. I learned how good people are through both flood cleanup and cancer treatments. I feel so happy to be surrounded by people who would do so much for me - in some instances people who do not know me well did a lot for me and my family during both of these times. I am so grateful for all of the support during these journeys. I would ask that next summer, it end on a more positive, happy note - I believe it will be at the finish line of Rev3 Old Orchard Beach 70.3 in Maine surrounded by some really amazing triathletes who will be helping me achieve that success. Tomorrow I start a new journey. I go back to work (part-time)! I am scared and worried but completely excited about this. I get to have some independence from my husband - I have felt completely dependent on him since surgery and we had separate time before cancer, I am excited to have that time again. He needs a break from me too. I get to be a professional again not just a cancer patient. I realize that by taking a 60% position I will be losing money in this process but I had a lot of people help me plan for that and I think I am very capable of keeping us on a budget for the next year. I figure I'm 60% teacher and 40% stay at home wife! I am looking forward to when my appetite returns to normal going shopping once a week for food. I look forward to having time to workout in the morning when Joe gets up to go to work. I am excited to begin a new school year as the new me. I am one step closer to the end of cancer treatments but I still have a way to go with tomorrow being 17 out of 52 Herceptin treatments done. I am sure I will find a rhythm in this new situation and I am really excited about branching out of the cancer patient situation and venture back to a "normal" place for me! Every year I get to pick a theme song for the school year. This year I pick "Fighter" by Gym Class Heroes! I think it's fitting!

Platelets

I went into the beginning of last week feeling slightly better than I did all of last week. My Herceptin treatment went as usual - no big deal. Then we received my blood work results. I get blood work done almost every visit to see how chemotherapy is effecting my body and we have come to expect that my platelets are low and my red blood cells are generally low too. This time my platelet count came back at 68k. Chemotherapy will not be administered if my platelets are below 100k and the normal platelet count is generally considered over 150k. My nurses assured me there was not much that I could do to make my bone marrow work appropriately except for be healthy and be well rested. After the appointment, Joe and I walked to the car and we took the three flights of stairs in the parking garage (I may be a cancer patient but I can still walk to my car is still my mantra). I was extremely winded at the top of the stairs due to my low red blood cell count. This prompted a conversation about running. Joe and I discussed and came to the conclusion that running is not in my best interest right now. Now, I have been struggling with running - low red blood cells leave me unable to move enough oxygen around my body to make it really enjoyable. So, for now, I am going to hang up my running shoes. I am also going to repair the love/hate relationship I have with my bike on short (7 to 10 mile), easy rides. No hills in my life right now! I am tired a lot but as long as I sleep at night and take a nap during the day, I can maneuver through the day really successfully. I felt like I received two really big pieces of bad news in one day - this was disapointing but I kept reminding myself how lucky I was to be where I was and with my husband so that made it much better. The only problem with me having a low platelet count and a verging on too low RBC count is that my doctors will delay my last round of chemotherapy if it stays low. This is not an option to me. My last round is scheduled for August 28. If we delay this, then I start work and have my last round of chemotherapy on the same day or I work a full week and then have chemotherapy. I want this to be over sooner rather than later as well. I honestly don't know how I would handle school and chemo but it would only be a week and I am capable of anything if I put my mind into it. As per my usual OCD/need to have control over every situation, I immediately went home and started researching foods that can help increase blood cells. I was helped with this search by a friend as well. I have been diligently eating lots of fruits and veggies - thank goodness it is summer and I can eat almost exclusively from my garden and the farmers market. The only thing Daci found that crossed the line that I will not try is shark oil - although if they don't go up next week, I may be searching for that! I am visualizing my bone marrow producing more cells every day. I am also giving my bones a pep talk on a daily basis. I desperately want my body to get itself together and get through this. I will say that as of Friday my body feels leaps and bounds better than it had been feeling but this is normal and I can just hope this means my bones are taking in all those beautiful nutrients and helping me out. After my last round and a couple of weeks to allow the drugs to leave my body, I am planning my detox diet - this may include a revisit of my former vegetarian diet! For now, I would encourage positive throughts on platelet renewal.